you've got exquisite taste. i've got the marks to show

mmm nothing like coming home to a screaming house.
dysfunctional family? i'd think so.
step dad who needs serious anger management.
mom trying to keep the whole family together.
sister who goes behind the family's back and hangs out with her ex and won't open up to anyone anymore. i almost feel like i'm living with a zombie.
and another sister who's thirteen and acts like she's the best shit thats ever happened. not to mention her diabetes fucks up her attitude since she can't keep it in control.
i'm not saying i'm the perfect child. i've got my skeletons too. sex drugs and parties. i'm almost sick of everything. the future looks disappointing. whats the point of growing up if there's nothing to look forward to? its impossible to get a job and the idea of me supporting myself on my own terrifies me because i don't think i can do it.
sorry for this depressing ass blog.

rainy day :)

woo i love this weather :)
i got my new jacket on to keep me warm.
victoria and aaron are celebrating their six months today so i don't get to hang out with victoria for the third day in a row.
thats cool. maybe tomorrow if i don't go to d-land.
our math test got postponed to tuesday which pisses me off because my class is lazy and i was all prepared for it on thursday.
i'm prepared for my psych test tomorrow though thats for sure.
there needs to be more things to look forward to.

class was canceled today.
i stayed up studying for the big test we had today and i walk up to see a sign on the door.
thanks professor.
so i went and visited jamie and victoria in yearbook and got to see c at break.
i wanted to see him after school too but i don't think anythings going on today.
so hopefully i can go to the mall with jamie instead but she hasn't come home yet.
idk if malls are closed on columbus day but we'll find out.
i got a cute ass jacket yesterday :)
disneyland on wednesday maybe!

party last night was lame. full of gangsters and cholas :/
i got a cute sweater at the mall though.
jamie and i are going to tillys today, maybe i'll finally find a new jacket.
gotta study for my psych test tomorrow. kinda nervous.
i probably wont be going out today because i gotta study.
oh welllll

haunt was so much fun :) it was a little dead though but the mazes were fun. i also had someone to hold onto haha. i think jamie and i will have more fun though. it will be less stressful when it's just her and me. c and i stayed up until 5 this morning. i really think i'm starting to do better at communicating. he helps a lot when it comes to advice on what to do and stuff. and then he has to bust out his psychologist skills haha. besides jamie i think he's the closest person to me. he's practically become the b word. but i wouldn't dare bring that up. besides i think we're just fine the way we are. we would have to work past the communication and trust issues before a relationship was ever started up again. but oh well i don't know why i'm spilling this much. i'm tired. i don't know how i'm going to go to a party tonight i feel dead. but i'll try.

dear sugarmuffin

don't hold back. i know you aren't happy right now. i don't know whats making you so upset but things will get better. trust me. they always do. don't let people get in your way of being happy. if someone isn't making you happy, try not to be around that person as much. i know exactly how you are because i used to be that way, always doing what others wanted because you want them to be happy. stop it. you are your number one priority. you have so many good characteristics, you just have to not be afraid to show them. get out and meet new people, who knows what could happen. you're only seventeen, you have so much ahead of you. i know it seems like everyone around you has a boyfriend right now but you could have one too, just be patient. stop focusing on the negatives and focus on the positives instead. i have a feeling things will improve soon.

cortinas

tomorrow before haunt!!!!
i couldnt be any happier :)
its been over a year since i've eaten there haha
mmmmmm so excited<3