lets take a stroll

I lie, I waitI stop, I hesitateI am, I breatheI meant, I think of me Is it any wonder I can't sleep?All I have is all you gave to meIs it any wonder I found peace through you?Turn to the gates of heaven, to myself be damnedTurn away from lightIt's not enough, just a touchIt's not enoughI taste, I loveI come, I bleed enoughI hate, I'm notI was, I want too much

Still each time I always meant,Every word,Every one.Though in time they finally bent,Every word,Every one.Every word."I will wait for you." She said,Endlessly."I will wait for you." So spoke,Misery.
I swear that I can go on forever againPlease let me know that my one bad day will endI will go down as your lover, your friendGive me your lips and with one kiss we begin Are you afraid of being aloneCause I am, I'm lost without youAre you afraid of leaving tonightCause I am, I'm lost without you
Oh baby dont you know I suffer? Oh baby can you hear me moan? You caught me under false pretenses How long before you let me go?
I thought I was a fool for no-one Oh baby I'm a fool for you


mm yeah those lyrics pretty much sum up how i'm feeling right now. i only have one boy on my mind. my personal sunshine is completely off the list :( he can enjoy his new gf, that dumb midget red headed bitch. and my ex? well let's just hope i have the strength to keep his title at that. i don't know if i can handle getting hurt again by him. even though he's sooo cute and sweet and funny and unbelieveably adorable. finally: hookup boy. gah. it seems like there are so many girls that want him and oh so many he wants back. we flirt a whole lot but he flirts with just about anything with a vagina. i like like like him a whole lot. but idk. i really hate having my emotions messed with. and there are so many sluts all up on him all the time i'm just sick of it. but i don't want to give up hope, yet a little part of me does. idk idk idk. i want him. i really do. but who knows where this relationship will head. i used to be able to know exactly who my best friends were but i'm having trouble naming just one. it seems like everything is drifting away from me. i can only try to win them back. but how? today is my very first best friend's birthday, i miss her terribly. i really really do. she is such an amazing girl and i hope that wherever she is, whatever she's doing, i hope she's happy because she is one of the few genuine people who deserve the best. hopefully she can come back into my life.
gah i have a whole bunch of negative emotions welled up inside me and i wish i could release them but my tear ducts are being stubborn. something make me cry please. a long hard cry would make me feel so good.