vicodin.

never had it. but it probably would make my mouth feel wayyyyy better. bottom braces hurt way more than top. why didnt my lame ortho just put them on at the same time??? then i wouldnt be typing about them right now and i could actually be eating food instead of stupid instant breakfast things and all this liquid shit that makes me have to pee like every hour and gahhhh. so today was not how i expected it to go at all. i felt sick all day like pukey feeling and i totally thought i was going to vomit. but i didnt yay!!! but i feel fine now, i think it was just because i was worried about crying or something silly like that or probably because i hadnt really eaten anything for 24 hours. and yeah but i got to see my bf more than usual at school today...well i saw him after fourth haha and i never do. but anywho it sucked because he had to go home after school and couldnt really hang out and then he was kinda down because of something that happened after school and i just wanted him to be happy :/ kajkfjakjalkjkajaka im gonna miss him a lot. there really isnt a point of going to school if im not seeing him there. im so tired. i wanna take a chainsaw to my jaw

"if the moon feel down tonight"

by Dear Juliet is the song i can completely relate to right now. not just one part of the song but every lyric in that song makes me feel like it was written to describe how i am feeling right now.
Everytime I see your smile
it makes my heart beat fast
And though it's much too soon to tell
I'm hoping this will last
'Cause I just always wanna have you
Right here by my side
The futures near but never certain
At least stay here for just tonight
I must have done something right
To deserve you in my life
I must have done something right along the way
I just can't get you off my mind and why would I even try?
Even when I close my eyes I dream about you all the time
And even if the moon fell down tonight,
There'd be nothing to worry about to worry about at all,
because you make the whole world shine
As long as you're here everything will be alright

yeahhh that song speaks volumes. and like ah i'm so not going to be able to handle four days away from him. fuckity fuuuuck. ahhhh. im going to miss him soooo freaking much. wednesday is going to be hard, i have a feeling i might cry. gah im acting like hes leaving forever!! its only going to be four days. buts its even hard on me to go a day without seeing him. and my cell phone is being gay with the text messages i'll be in the middle of a txt convo and then all of a sudden it wont let me get a reply and its super lame. moms bringing home subway. i hope house is on tomorrow night. jamie and kurt are fighting but idk it kinda seems like hes going to leave her again but today he seemed fine so who knows. i have no idea with that kid, hes crazy haha. there was some huge party over the weekend that everyone and their mothers went to except for me cody kurt and jamie i think haha. we're lame. i didnt even get to see my bf on saturday and on sunday i saw him for less than two hours. so gay. whatever. kasjfksajkaja i just want subway.

smother me

already a week has gone by. wow. and i'm so scared of fucking this up. he's too good of a person to lose :/ but i know how clingy i get with boyfriends and i'm going to try my hardest to not go overboard even though it will be hard because i already like him a lot and like yeah. but whatevs. ahh he's soooooooo cute :) like everything he does makes me smile all big and stuff. i just hope that izzy doesn't spread her lies and fuck this up like she's done with kurt and jamie in the past. gah. i always come to this to write so much and then when i start typing it's like i completely forget everything i was going to say. all i can think about is my boyfriend haha. i think jamie's a little jealous because my boyfriend is cuter than hers hahahahaha. oh well, deal with it beyotch!! i dont know what i'm going to do when he's gone for four days straight and he'll be like a bajillion miles away :/ txt up the ying yang haha. i've hung out with him for the past two weeks straight and dont mind it one bit :) it's late-ish so i guess i'll stop before i start getting mushy.

sweat and sex

spent the night at kurt's last night with the boyfreeeend and jamie and kurt of course. nothing too crazy haha. spent roughly five hours if not more, making out. it was really cute. i had such a good time. he's such a cute boyfriend :) he does the cutest things it makes me smile :) :) :) we got to cuddle, that was cute :) and waking up and looking at him sleeping was cute too :) he snores hahahaha. i'm so sore gah my shoulders ass and thighs hurt. and i'm so tired because i got like four hours of sleep total. probably less. kurts room totally smelled like sweat and sex in the morning. haha gross. but i wont go there. so hopefully theres another sleepover like that in the next few weeks or such because cuddling with my bf is super fun :)

taken.

as of yesterday at roughly 1:35 you could say. on the way to lunch he asked me to be his girlfriend and i said "what took you so long?" haha. ahhhh he's so cute :) like seriously. omg. his smile makes me weak in the knees. and just the cute simple kisses and the random txts i'll get from him make me sooo happy. and like ah i could talk forever but it's not even day two yet and i'm already getting mushy on him. <3

woo

last night was really fun :) i spent three hours in a dark room with the boy i like...haha. mmm it was soooo much fun. he gives me butterflies. and hopefully i see him today.
so jamie and kurt are going out again. yay for her. silly kurt was supposed to ask her out on v-day but he has no patience. homo.

this entry is going to be really short i guess. my lips were so numb last night. haha.

happy birthday

steph!!!! my bestestestest friend ever! woo! ha. probably the person i miss theeee most. every day at school i look forward to the two minutes i get to talk to her before second. honestly i cant remember the last time we hung out just me and her. it's been forever. and it sucks. i've been busy, she's been busy. there's really no one to blame, we're both at fault. and it's her birthday today and i feel horrible because i feel like i haven't been the best friend i'm supposed to be. i'm a senior, i should be hanging out with me senior friends. instead, i spend my days with my junior/sophomore crowd of friends. gah. i feel terrible.
but on a happier note.....i'm pretty happy with how things are going in the boy department. nothing's official yet though. oh well. he's really really cute and i get butterflies every time we kiss :) ahhh. a few people told me that he's just looking for pussy and i'm going to get hurt but i'm trying not to believe them. because if that was true then he would have already tried to get into my pants and he hasn't. and another thing: i'm not hurting my friend, she went out with him in november and if he wanted to get back with her he would have. but he picked me. so don't give me the death stare every time i sit on his lap or hug him or look at him. gah. yeah i feel bad for hurting my friend but i can't just stop liking this boy. i finally found a decent guy and i'm not going to give him up that easy. besides, he's like the best kisser ever, you think i'm just going to let that go?? umm no. sorry. haha.

say it with meaning

please. i'm really starting to like you......so don't let me down. now with her single, she might try and get with you....and that won't be cool :( because i finally found a decent guy, one who isn't all just about the physicalness of a relationship..someone who isn't just looking for a hookup, and someone who actually will remember everything and not "forget" the things we do.
so like yeah, i'm pretty happy right now. i'm just hoping it lasts. because only a few weeks ago i was pretty low. and yeah... i found a super cute boy who makes me smile like a retard. haha and i get all fluttery when i think about him :) ahhhhhh. i could write so much but i won't...i always annoy jamie when i talk about him haha. speaking of that coochie, her and kurt are probably getting back together. i hope that's a good thing. idkkkk
i just know i'm smiling like an idiot right now haha. shoot me.
my feet are cold. house is on. subway for dinner. the only thing that would make today perfect would be if i saw him...but it's chill.