been a while

merry christmas and happy kwanzaa. i'm currently fighting with my best guy friend and that is not good. it sucks feeling like shit. i don't know if it's my fault, it partly is i guess because i'm so stubborn and then i let my anger fly after it's built up for so long. but it's his fault too! being hypocritical and an attention seeker are the first things that come to my head right now when i think of him. gahhh. hopefully we make up tomorrow at the bonfire. hopefully hook up boy comes. hopefully. boys are on the lame list right now. boy numero uno: likes someone else. boy numero dos: unattainable, busy, turned off by stalkerish friend. boy numero tres: i've tried my hardest to obtain this boy but it just isn't working. why can't he want a girlfriend? and why can't he see that i can be a really amazing one? :/ ahhhh. there is so much in my life that i feel like i'm missing. i don't know what or who will fill the emptiness but it better come soon. i don't even know what i'm looking for but i know there's something out there i have to find. soon. or i will go crazy. and i kinda have an idea of what i need to fill that space but it's such a lame and selfish idea and it probably won't happen how i want it to. and this blog is pretty freaking confusing. almost as confusing as pirates of the caribbean 3. wtf? wow i think you have to be high to watch it or something. and i tried to watch halloween last night but that was such an over sexed movie i got sick and turned it off. note to self: go to angelos and vincis more. superrr hot waiter.