what the fuck? ah. what's so great about her? is it because she's more hardcore than i am? is it because she listens to the same music as you? is it because she's more experienced than i am? because she's more willing to touch your dick? think i'm jealous much? yeah deff. put yourself in my position: go over to kurts house to hang out with your boyfriend and he spends all of his time in the other room with kurts sister talking to her. how do you expect me to feel? am i dwelling too much on this? should i just blow it off? it's hard. i want things to go back to normal. i just don't know how to make it happen. and then i feel all this pressure that i have to satisfy my boyfriend. according to a certain someone i dont make my boyfriend happy because i can't satisfy him. fuckkkk. excuse me for not jumping on your dick every chance i get maybe i just want to spend time with you. i hate feeling rushed. i dont want to move too fast. but whatever if it's what he wants then i'll do it. i feel soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo threatened and i hate it. because it causes me to analyze all my flaws and compare myself to her and fucken stress out like a mofugga not like i dont have enough stress as it is. but all of that shit was talked about in the last blog. yeah i've got a research project due this week, i have to give some speech in english and i hate speaking in front of people, i've got to pay for grad night, senior breakfast, a new phone, possibly prom.........idk if i'm still going though, and all this other crap. i've got to make sure my grades stay up before graduation. i've got to mail in my transcripts. i've got to finalize this stupid college crap. oh yeah and i have to make sure i have someone to walk with for graduation...which seems nearly impossible because i spent my senior year growing apart from all my senior friends rather than growing closer. and i'm sure steph is walking with amanda :(
so sorry if i seem distant lately, i have way too much on my plate. i really want everything to work out though :/
i just really don't want to lose.....
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2 comments:
You've got nothing to be worried about. Honestly, he's 16. He's chill to talk to and hang out with, but what the hell would I want with someone that young? I'm not willing to touch his dick, either. He's cute, yeah, but he's still in high school, he has a girlfriend, he's way too immature for me, my brother's friend, etc. To be completely honest, I've never even thought about him in any way other than a friend.
If you're worried about me, then maybe you need to talk to him about it. There's no reason at all to be jealous. And he was in the living room reading a blog this afternoon, that's all.
You need to do what you feel is right, not what everyone is telling you to do.
We're all flawed, Brandi.
That's what makes us so interesting.
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