disneyland was alright. we saw frank iero from my chemical romance. we went on the tower of terror six times :)
i think i have whiplash from the matterhorn though. my neck hurts so bad :/
this whole dilemma is making me so depressed. i can't sleep well and i have no appetite anymore. it's really hard not to think about him. victoria said he was going to ask me out two weeks ago, back when we were happy. but something changed i guess? i honestly don't know where this sudden change came from. the night i helped him babysit i told him i wasn't used to being this happy. i brought that up halloween night when we were talking and i told him i jinxed it i guess but all he could say was "that's a book i don't wanna open right now" what the fuck does that mean? it obviously can't mean anything good but when is he going to want to open this book??? i can't wait around forever wondering what the fuck is going through his head. he needs to just come out and tell me because the wait is killing me. if he changed just because he met that bitch taylor i'm going to punch him in the face. he can't fucking think he was going to ask me out and then all of a sudden someone else shows up so he changes his mind. maybe it's because i flipped out on him for those girls being all over him and he hates clingy girls and i guess that made me a little clingy. but you would flip too if every girl kept coming up to him and he would put his arm around their waist. you know what he said about that?? "i can't help that i'm attractive" OMG well you can help that you can put your hands somewhere else instead of near some bitch's ass! this whole thing is just so upsetting and i really want to talk to him and fix this. fuck my life.All the shame, all the pain that you have caused...

My heart can't beat (my heart can't beat).
All the fights, all the lies you put me through...
It's your disease.
You take. You take. And you...
You take. You take. You take the life out of me.
(I'm done)
I thought that love was bigger than your hate.
I thought that love could change your heart, but I was wrong.