ummmmmm

i'm trying. i really am. i fucked up, i said i was going to be more open and i couldn't keep my word. so where does this leave me? i don't know. things aren't right. i need....i need someone something to keep me sane. i can't lose this. i'm so scared right now. i'm trying so hard to keep things normal, to not fuck up, to not lose what means most. but holy hell. what else can i do? i haven't had a good nights sleep since like wednesday. i've lost my appetite. i'm not my happy self anymore. honestly i don't even know how this happen. i apologized i thought everything was okay. maybe i'm making everything worse than it really is. i always see the worst in situations though. this blog entry is probably going to make me look bad too. but fack...