ah fuck

ex bf just written about? ya i just found out that he told my sister that "he wants me more than ever" now. and he doesnt think i would give him a second chance. wtf. wtf. wtf?!!!! omg. um hello i dont know what to do. i still like him and would LOVE if we were together again but what about the girls he flirts with? and i've started to like other guys too. can we just throw it all away and start over again? we'll see what happens. goodness. maybe he'll be at the market today.

wow.

boys sure are horny when they're high.
the funniest part is them not remembering anything they did when they come back to school the next day.
mmkay so this boy was pretty much all over me last night and he doesnt remember... i dont know if i should mention it to him and tell him what he did. i dont know if that would make our friendship more awkward or if it will push more towards a relationship. but then again i dont even think i would want a relationship with a boy who gets high almost every day. i just like the attention i get from him. i think the only way i acted last night was because i was hurt over finding out about a certain ex bf that im not exactly over yet asking some girl to homecoming. the thought of him pursuing another girl kills me. but i see the unfairness in my thinking. i dont know... life is a mess. is there ever a time when it will be easy??

p.s. those who read this are probably thinking i had sex by the way i worded things haha. i didn't. still a virgin. don't worry. we didn't even kiss. well once. but it was like a three second frencher haha.

wtfever

i can flirt all i want.
and i can enjoy it.
i shouldn't feel bad.
im not taken.
so why do i get all pissy when i see him flirting?
gahh i'm such a selfish whore.
i felt like a whore today.
just cuz i wasn't acting like myself.
but i liked it.
honestly i dont see a relationship coming out of it though.
i dont think a boy like that is ideal for a person like me.
no bueno.
i just like the attention from him.

just when

you think life is going good and you think you can handle it and you think you're over him, you see a picture of him and your heart stops, your head feels funny, and the feelings come rushing back. life is a confusing mess. i feel like i dove into quicksand and i'm slowly pulling myself out but just when i think i'm there it sucks me back in.

OMFG

i dont care! why is it so hard for people to listen? i just want people to listen but every time i try to talk about my problems they are ignored and i have to go on listening to their problems or how fabulous their life is going right now. i have spent my whole life listening to people and helping them with their problems is it too much to ask to have that in return? i just need someone to listen!!! i dont want to hear about your life because i want you to help me with mine. i've listened to your same shit over and over. just listen to me now. if you're not going to listen then at least shut up because your shit just makes me more upset. is this too much to ask?

healing.

bought the blessthefall cd today (currently listening to), bought cute new shoes, got a good chocolate bar :) anddd went outside to discover a new set of kittens. break ups are hard, but it's the simple things in life that take your mind away from it. it feels like halloween. i have the strongest urge to be at knotts scary farm right now. i love the atmosphere there, minus the annoying screaming girls. :/ i have so much to say but noone will listen.
"i never had the chance to explain myself, i never had the chance to apologize, but you will not die."

fjdqshklasg

it kills me to look at him and know he's not mine anymore.
for the first time in my life, i have had my heart broken. and it sucks. we'll still be friends though. and maybe when things start falling into place, we can be more again. i'm a very patient girl.

Mmmm

I've stopped hating people. It's my last year of high school and I dont want to waste it hating people and having enemies. I do not hate anyone anymore. There is one person I strongly strongly strongly dislike but I don't hate him. Everyone else I used to hate I just feel sorry for. I want to scream at everyone and tell them that what they are doing is wrong and they are messing up their life but I'm not one to preach. Besides, I'm not perfect. I have my own faults. I just wish everyone listened.