siiiiick ass show last night. emmure was amazing. they played my three favorite songs, including Rusted Over Wet Dreams. suicide silence was epic. mitch gets down haha. andrew from scary farm showed up. and then things went downhill from there. apparently this whole time we've been talking he mistook my friendliness as flirting. he wouldnt stop telling me how gorgeous i looked and i just brushed it off and said thank you. then he put his hand on my back and it kept getting lower so i would elbow him to make him stop but then he texted me saying "make a move cutie" and i replied with "i have a guy in fullerton" so he flipped out and shit hit the fan pretty much. he basically said "have fun with no job stringing people along in life, have fun with your broke friends in fullerton and the douchebag guy, im gonna go crash my ferrari blah blah blah" i was so shocked. i told him i only wanted a friendship out of this and he told me he never wants to talk to me again. i'm really shocked at this. the whole time i was just being friendly. i never told him i wanted to fuck him or anything so i dont understand where he got these crazy ideas. all we ever talked about was the things he was buying with his money and if he thought he could have me just because he's rich he's wrong. dumb cocky piece of shit. i dont need people in my life that insult me or my friends. so my night was fun except for that whole incident and the fact that while we were waiting to be picked up he kept walking by us which freaked jamie and me out, she thought he was going to kill me haha. 

class was fun today. i talked to joseph :)

the money i was supposed to get wont come until the end of september now so that fucks up all of my plans. i dont know where i'll get the money to get my nocturnal ticket or birthday presents for c or the money i need for my math book. ughhhhhh. stupid shits.

no pity for a coward

soooo excited for tonight. you have no idea. i've been wanting to see emmure ever since i heard them last year. and mitch from suicide silence will be a nice sight too haha. spent three days straight with c victoria and aaron. thursday we watched last house on the left at my house then went to tylers for a bit. stayed the night at aarons. friday was pretty laid back. slept at victorias. her house is way too hot though. even the shower i tried to take was hot. there might have been another factor to that though haha. went swimming at aarons yesterday. the pool felt so damn good. i stayed in the longest. everyone else was too pussy to stay in. overall it was very very fun. then last night jamie and i hung out with everyone at golden hill. i babysat cj while he got drunk for the second time ever. that was pretty funny. im surprised the cops never showed up. i wont see c for two days because todays the show and tomorrow is girly day with jamie and victoria and victorias mom. this summer has been really good. im just scared when school starts for them that it will be exactly like last year and i'll lose him again. i guess if it happens again i'll be more prepared this time. i just dont want to make a fool out of myself.

on a lighter note, jamie and brian were way cute last night. if only that boy would man up and make moves like that when he's sober. hes always been shy though i guess. but he cant use alcohol as a crutch forever. if i was a guy i wouldnt have to get drunk just to make moves on her haha. found out someone else might like jamie too... i dont know how shes going to handle it the next time he comes around. but this was news to both of us because he never showed any signs of liking her. people need to be more open with their feelings dammit.

medicate

beach was amazing today. the waves were strong though. but the bonfire was funnnn :)

taking woodstock tomorrow at midnight<3

got my tickets for the show on sunday.

i got to see bre today finally. it was fun the little bit of time i got to spend with her. hopefully i can hang out with her again soon. i finally bought cj that arizona i owe him. now he owes me a vitamin water and some hot cheetos. gotta get up at 7 so i should get off now. but im texting c and i dont wanna stop hahaha. the next month is going to be super exciting. 

OMGGG AFI released their new single "medicate" today! im in love. its different. but good different. 

:D

chosen one

the mighty boosh is the funniest show ever. especially "journey to the center of punk" ah i laughed sooo much. school tomorrow. then i might hang out with bre. but i gotta get those tickets tomorrow so idk if i'll have time to :/ had an unexpected guest over today. i didnt mind though. i just didnt think he would actually show up when i invited him over to eat the bomb 7 layer dip i made. but he did :)  things have been a lot easier with me and him. i've decided to be more accepting and i've surprisingly become less attached. okay so actually i dont think thats worked but its what im trying to believe haha. jamie and k are done. forever. according to him at least. im not getting my hopes up that he'll be out of her life for good but the way things are looking make me pretty happy. its not him that i hate its just how he hurts her so much. and honestly i think a break from him like this is exactly what she needs. i just want her to be happy and she needs someone that will make her happy 99 percent of the time not just 50 percent of it. that girl deserves the best because she is the best and any guy that treats her like she isnt the best obviously doesnt fucking deserve her. so i've made my point. i think. i love this girl more than life itself and for once i think she will actually be truly happy. which makes me happy.

i think im going to inject jamie with alcohol every day so she can be as outgoing as she is right now haha.

more on this later.

surprisingly im more sober than most people here.

i gave up fighting, i've come to see these halos. am i now worse off for this one night?

my braces are off!!! i'm so happy. i get my retainer on friday though :/ i look slightly older than sixteen now haha. college is going alright so far. its only day three though haha. they sold out of my math book until next week though so i dont what imma do about that. gotta do my english homework tonight. theres this rave coming up called nocturnal, its c's birthday rave, and everyone wants me to go. but raves arent my thing ya know? but maybe i'll go. and maybe i'll buy c his ticket since it will be his birthday unless his mommy buys it for him. and if that happens then i've got three other ideas on what to get him haha.

goodbyeee

no more train tracks haha. as of 3 pm tomorrow i will be metal free. i hope it doesnt hurt. so i've been getting headaches like every day for the past week straight. does that mean i have a brain tumor?? :/ i hope not. i took a tylenol tonight so hopefully that helps the pain go away. first day of fall semester was super awesome. sexy joseph is in my psych class and hopefully he doesnt drop so i have a reason to go to psych every day. i saw huntie and joe and salt and blake and shana today. woo! blake wants to get starbucks with me soon. yay! two of my classes tomorrow are ten minutes apart from each other so hopefully that gives me enough time to grab a good seat even though all the classes are overcrowded this year due to budget cuts. ugh. i have to get up at seven tomorrow. shitballs.

whale wars

animal planet always makes me cry :(

got school shit for tomorrow. only one class on mondays and wednesdays though so i'm not too nervous. psychology should be an interesting class too.

the pride festival in irvine was so much fun. i met lady vajayjay who is this amazing drag queen.

hopefully there are more events like that soon. ah gay people make me so happy :)

texted c today for the first time in a while. talked to bre too. get to see her on wednesday hopefully. 

im not going to be able to fall asleep until like two.

mighty boosh is on tonight. im a little obsessed with that show. my mom wont let me stay up until one to watch it so i'll just have to watch tonights episode online haha. noel fielding is such a cutie i wish i was british<3

oh dear and speaking of british people, i hung out with luc two days ago after not seeing him for like ten months but i hope he doesnt get the wrong idea. boys are dumb though.

jack and i are not friends

last night was his last shot at winning my friendship back and he FAILED

hahahahahaha

school shopping today because i start tomorrow :/

eek.

nervous.

excited.

nervcited??

get my braces off in two dayss mofugga

and that silly boy thinks he'll actually be getting some when they come off

bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

"careful when you date passionate people, because passion swings both ways. sometimes they'll love you, but other times they'll hate you. and when they hate you... boy do they hate you."

i think its safe to say i am a very passionate person

orange county is having its first ever pride festival this weekend in irvine

super excited

most likely be working the morning shift there on saturday

<333

i am such a nerd

currently reading three books. or at least trying to. i bought russell brand's autobiography a while ago and then i went to the library and checked out Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk (this is the most disgusting, amazing book and i cant put it down)  and then yesterday the book i had on reserve finally came so i went and picked up Fear and Loathing. i think i'm just going to wait until i'm done with haunted before i start reading F&L so i can fully enjoy the book. but i read the first chapter already and its going to be one interesting book. finished up all my college stuff yesterday. i should be getting almost three grand in about a month to help with college and other things. i've already decided to get another tattoo with some of the money. i wont tell you what i plan on getting yet because i'm sure i'll get made fun of haha. sooooo i found out that my ex cheated on me with three girls. i knew of two of them but then friday night i found out about the third. j, k, and l. their names are right next to each other in the alphabet how weird. and the funny thing about all this is i still hooked up with him the night i found that out. he asked me "i've been an ass to you so many times why do you still like me?"  i didnt have an answer for him then and i dont have an answer for him now. but heres a question: after hurting me so many times why do you still come back to me?  when you have an answer for that i'll have the answer for you. 

i just wish i could be enough. i dont understand why you need all the extra girl attention.

i cannot leave here i cannot stay

ugh cramps like a mofugga :/

went to the beach today. got some sun. hung out with andrew from scary farm for a bit too. i haven't seen him in nine months. it was almost hard to recognize him since he lost twenty pounds in rehab. but i'm proud he's doing well now. it was the first time he's seen me when he was sober haha.

c went to huntington today to hang with brittany. ehh. kinda not digging that. he hung out with her earlier this week too. ajfksjkljajsajk worry worry worry. 

corona tomorrow i think. visiting family friends and swimming. 

hope victoria doesnt get poked by the aids parade while she's at hard tonight.

summer shudder

last night was interesting. stayed over at victorias and got no sleep. had a good talk with c and we finally talked about where our relationship is going. august 30 is going to be so much fun i just hope we get tickets soon. i've been wanting to see emmure in concert for ever. and then bmth is playing in september. and after that afi should be going on tour soon since their new cd comes out september 29. am i excited? hell yes. got some quality alone time with victoria yesterday too. got a cute dress from savers that was originally a forever 21 dress. its a strapless aqua dress which will probably be what i'll wear to jolies wedding. i get my braces off in ten days i am super super excited but really nervous too. i'm scared i'll look weird. its not even nine and i might just pass out right now. i seriously feel like i only got 20 minutes of sleep. some pictures from last night with me c and lexi. we spent like an hour taking pictures and videos in victorias bathtub haha. our "cameraman" didnt do a good job of taking the pictures though since he ended up in almost half of them. silly goose.

current frustrations

jamie gets home from yearbook camp and i barely see her for five minutes then she's off with kurt

i never get any alone time with victoria anymore because she has only one priority and its not me

i haven't talked to c or anyone else in almost a week

every time i try to have fun something always goes wrong

people need to keep their mouths shut about things instead of exaggerating them

i'm sick of staying home but theres no one i want to hang out with and every time i try and hang out with someone plans get canceled

drama drama drama

first off: i did not hook up with brian tonight. did i walk him home? yes. did i hang out with him and drink with him justin and paul? yes. buttttt did i hook up with him? no. i wouldnt jeopardize anything i have going with me and c just to hook up with brian. been there done that already haha. so when you hear a rumor about tonight just remember its just a rumor. last night with steph and the audacity boys and everyone else was super super fun. i really want to hang out with them again soon. i was with people my age and i actually was talking to people i didnt know. i'm surprised i wasnt being super shy brandi. i hope i can hang out with them very soon. gin and tonic tastes so gross. vodka and raspberry tea isnt that great either. i think i'll stick with bacardi razz and sprite from now on. tastes just like a shirley temple. oh and my "best friend" has a really controlling boyfriend right now and its pissing me the fuck off. almost to the point where i dont want to hang out with her anymore because he's always around. he made her sneak out of yearbook camp just to see him, if she gets caught she gets kicked out of yearbook and thats like her favorite thing right now. he flipped out on her three nights ago just for taking me home. i honestly cant stand it. he never used to be like this. why has his anger gotten so bad?? i used to be good friends with him now i'm scared to talk to him because i'm afraid i'll piss him off. he wasnt this controlling with izzy or bre. so what makes victoria any different? can someone please give me an explanation?