straight up

i miss my best friend. hanging out with the group is weird. i love it, but its weird. and i'm pretty sure i don't have to explain why its weird. i'm hoping things will change soon, but i'm not exactly sure what i want to change. 2008 was probably the best year ever so far and i'm gonna have a lot of expectations for 2009 but who knows what will happen. i honestly didn't expect these past few days to go how they did but i'm really happy about it. i haven't thought of a resolution yet for '09 but i still have a day left to make one. no idea what tomorrows going to be like. ah that just gave me an idea for a resolution: not to worry as much. thats going to be super hard to keep up but i'll try my best. i planned my outfit for tomorrow. i'm so nervous though. but i've got a back up plan :) i wanna bring a bag but i don't wanna lose it like i lost my other one. maybe i'll leave it in joes car. maybe i should stop rambling. my mind is racing though, theres so much to think about.

doublestack blue fuck yous

where do i begin? yesterday/today were probably the best days of winter break so far. and it kinda sucks because so many people are mad at me over it. hey guess what i don't have to be a good girl all the time so just fucking accept it. i'm smart enough to know how to handle myself and i know when enough is enough. have i ever put myself into a dangerous situation? NO. because i can handle my fucking self so just accept it. thanks. and i don't see why everyone is making such a big deal out of it when they themselves have done the same thing. i know its just because they care about me though. anywayssss i couldn't have been any happier driving around with joe aaron jacob and cody the whole night and this morning. yeah that last name wasn't a typo i actually hung out with my ex and guess what else, we talked the whole time! i don't know where all the awkwardness went between us but suddenly it was gone and i'm so so happy that we're friends again. theres a lot i'm missing out on. umm joes idea to pull an all nighter at mount baldy was amazing! the snow was beautiful, but cold. but idgaf because i had codys warm jacket on and all the guys had to freeze haha. it feels like every pee i take lasts an hour. i made yellow snow!! i thought i was gonna get eaten by a bear though haha. and joe kept freaking out on everything but it was funny. i love those boys. and they better love me back. 

damn bloons tower defense 3!!

i can't beat track 2 or 3 and i haven't even attempted 4 yet. its those damn rainbow balloons that get me :/ today was fun. got downtown early. wasn't the only thing i did early haha. kerensa and mell are funnn. we took so many pictures. hooking up with _____ is really similar to hooking up with c. maybe it was because of other factors though that made it seem so similar. but shittt son it was so weird. ah way weird. on so many levels. and people really want me to get with t but i hate when people pressure me to get with someone. its the ultimate turn off. i don't care how hot a guy is if you're going to pressure me to hook up with him i'm not going to. i'm not that kind of girl. i don't do random hook ups. it takes me a loooong time to get comfortable with a guy before hooking up with them. a lot of people think thats weird because so many girls hook up with guys who they don't even really know. i'm not saying its a bad thing, i'm just saying thats not me. and sending pictures and hooking up are two completely different things. so shut up. seriously check out we came as romans. very good band. weird day.

merry xmas

from me and jamie :) 

i tried :/

made an attempt to talk to my ex (don't know why) and all i got was two word answers. why did i even make the effort and stress so much on it when he obviously doesn't care. i thought he would be in a good mood, it is christmas eve after all. but noooo he made it seem like i was wasting his time and everything i was saying wasn't important. i just tried to make things not awkward. how hard is that?? but fucking shit he can't even apologize for any of the shit he put me through. nine months must mean shit to you. what a waste of texting time. 

anywaysss merry christmas eve to everyone and happy other things to the non christmas celebrating kids. imma go eat santas cookies and try to forget i even wasted my time on that hairy bitch.

its late :/

and i can't sleep. this fucking heater is making noise and its pissing me off. i finally downloaded limewire. i don't know how i survived without it. i don't even feel one bit tired. its pretty lame. did all my christmas shopping so theres one less stress. i guess i must be a little tired because i can't type for shiiitttt. i don't know how well i'll sleep though.

in case you forgot:

blogspot= freedom of speech. don't like what i write? don't read it. its that simple. i can talk shit on whoever i want on here. hate me for it..i personally don't give a shit. its my opinion and i choose to voice it. i never once talked shit on you about it anyways on here so i don't see why you hate me. the liferuiner is over, uninvited of course. jamie better get back inside soon so we can finish doing what we were doing and get on with our day without anymore interruption. veronica brought me a mix cd which i'm in love with :) last night at chad's was so much fun. poor brian had to walk home alone from there though at like midnight. jamie was so funny hahaha. "i don't know what to do with a virgin" hahaha i love that girl.

oh yeah, we had to put peanut to sleep :( it was one of the toughest things to go through, but he was in pain so it was better for him i guess. i miss him so much though. salem isn't coping too well with it either. 

i have really bad anger problems :/ last night was a really good example of that. i tend to bottle up my emotions then release them unexpectedly. its probably not the best thing to do but i can't help it. honestly i don't know what would have happened last night if i didn't walk off. i'm not making a threat or anything but i probably would have beat the shit out of someone last night. 

soooo... :(

my kitty peanut is dying :( i'm so sad. its not good. the only pets i've had die on me before are goldfish.. i'm so scared.
winter break is going to be busy for sure. theres a lot of people i need to hang out with. as soon as i get free time i'll hang out with: andrew, anders, randall, brian, chad, cory, rory, cole, oliver, chase, and anyone else who wants to hang out. yeahhhhh plus my cousins might be coming down too. so brandi is going to be a busy busy girl this break. oh yeah and i gotta get a job. awesome.
its weird having my dad home. i don't like it actually. sometimes i kinda wish he was still gone... we adjusted so fine without him now he's back and its frustrating.
might go to chino today. who knows. might hang out with bre and brad and his friends...maybe i'll meet a new boy. don't really care because i don't need one. ha.
gotta go to the vet :/

N00DZ!!!!

what are best friends for??? hahahahahaha. friday night just made me and bre's friendship become stronger. i wouldn't have done that shit for anyone else. my throat hurts. how lame. chain show was alright. i got so mad at like 5908482369 people there though. almost got in two fights... wow. christmas is in nine days. scaryyy. dad comes home tonight. its going to be weird. two months without him... i don't know how it will be because i took up the fatherly role practically while he was gone. it will be weird because i won't have to worry about mom as much. maybe it will give me more free time. i hope. i've got a long list of people who i need to hang out with. the boy situation is a bit on the lame side. andrew and i text like every three days and its only like hour long conversations now. i hope he's home now from celebrating his 21st bday in vegas. but i honestly dont see a relationship out of him anyways just like a longdistancemesswithmyemotionspieceofshitthing. and me and bre are going to chino on friday to hang out with her lover and his friends..we'll see how that goes. thats about it. i wanna hang out with the group again....like really badly...but idk how awkward things would be :(

team brian!!

whooo! haha sorry i had like 92384237482672672188 sugar cookies today and am bouncing off the walls. you know what sucks about christmas time? all the stupid lovey dovey movies they have out. okay well actually i dont think the amount changes at christmas but i just seem to notice them more. i hate this. i used to be so happy being single and independent and la dee dah. now i miss having that special someone to be there for me. shitty mcshitpants. and i don't mean to be a bitch right now but its like the guys i do want don't care about me and the guys that really really piss me off are the only ones making an effort. so someone from my past came back in my...wait...scratch that, TWO people from my past are trying to come back in my life. and it would be fine if they were people who i didn't put in my past for a reason. but no. soooo fuckity fuck fuck them. and theres a really ugly lady in front of me haha. and i hate how boys won't hook up with a girl just because their friend went out with them. um hello that friend of yours doesn't care about me anymore so he probably wouldn't care if you hooked up with me you dumbshit. i really hate having to limit what i write in here because of who i think might read this. theres so much i really really wish i could talk about. but i can't because i think certain people would get upset. i miss jamie. she's never home. she's always with kurt. but she tells me she likes brian. but she doesn't do shit to get away from kurt. and then she gets mad when brian flirts with other girls and its like hello dummy do you not see what you're doing to him by spending every fucking waking second with that fucking douchebag? oh yeah i guess you don't. oh yeah but you hooked up with brian twice and didn't tell kurt. i wonder who will tell him. some lurker who reads my blogspot probably. awesome. i can't think of anything i want for christmas except for a zuboutique shirt. buy me one: zuboutique.com :)

sugar cookies!!!!!

taste so freaking bomb right out of the oven :) gonna get the dark knight todayyy yay!! stick to your fucking guns this saturday holy sheeeitttt with attack attack! my lovers. gonna tear that pit a new asshole bahahahahahaha we'll see. ummm not much to say. but there are some crazy people in this room. papa and grandma might come down soon :) miss those fools. i miss randall too :( and huntie :( and anders. sometimes that hairy kid too but hey what do you expect. they sell glasses at 7-11 that intensify the christmas lights when you look at them. don't tell the acid heads haha. ah i feel like i've been kinda mean lately but i don't do it on purpose. gotta get in the christmas spirit soon. and i gotta get jamie a present. damn ho. if only they invented anti-kurt spray. maybe i'd buy her some. who's going to watch a double shot at love with the ikki twins? definitely not me. house better be on tonight though. me and bre are going to speed zone!!! :)

i registered!

for classesssss!!!!!!!!!! yayyyyyyyyyyyyyy :)

i'm sooo happy :)

p.s. underneath the gun and the word alive were amazing <3

styg next saturday!

hopefullyyyy

i can register by tomorrow. and hopefullyyyyy the classes i want are still open. its weird how for some reason i've been thinking about my ex a lot more than i should be. and i don't like it. i really don't. :( its not like i try and think about him he just pops up and its fucking frustrating. and i don't know what to dooooo. fjsajsdhhasjsojsfidjajklsklfjalasissshdssdjksshit

this is bullshit!

i just wanted to register for classes and be in college and i go to do it and it says i have a hold! a hold?!!! what the fuck i just wanna be in college allfuckingready. shit! now i'm pissed off. grrrreat. whatthefuckever. i'll try again tomorrow i guess :/ i know what classes i wanna take just fucking give them to me already! ah! going downtown today maybeee.... i miss the old days when the group was a solid group and we weren't separated into different groups. the break up changed everything. but we all knew it would. i can't do anything about it. I JUST FUCKING WISH HE WOULD TALK TO ME instead of acting like i don't exist :( thats the only thing i hate: not being able to talk to him. it kills me. i just wanna be friends again dammit. oh i guess i don't fit in though because i don't fucking do acid and shrooms and get fucked up and fuck nasty beat hoes every weekend. damn you are right, i do hold my anger in. well maybe if we still talked i would be able to let some of it out. but noooooooooooooo you're too good for me now. ha. fuckity fuck fuck. and you know what else sucks?? craig left the word alive to remain in escape the fate. so when i see them on saturday i won't be able to see that sexy thing. ASS!!!! how depressing. theres so much more to say but its all angry stuff so i'll stop here. i think imma go to target right now. buy me some chocolate bahahahaha

two entries in one day wow

my tummy hurts like a bitch :/ just got back from dinner. maybe it was the dinner. i'm sick of people talking bad about my friends when they don't know shit about them. they mean the world to me and i know them better than you do so shut it! andrews going to be 21 soon how exciting :) lucky bitch gets to be in vegas that day.  but hopefully he'll come back soon so we can partay!!!!! yeah i pretty much just came on to bitch about people talking shit on my friends. i freaking love every single one of them. 

i got a macbook bitchesssss

be jealous :) i looove it!! and guess what? i register for college classes tomorrow! no idea what i'm going to take yet though.  i wanna take human sexuality and english and ummm maybe a first aid class and then idk what the last class should be. dinner at the beach tonight. yayy. not much else to say. wanna go to the word alive show on saturday, wanna have a bonfire, wanna have a girls night soon. and i wanna go christmas shopping too. gotta get all my friends presents :) and myself some things too haha. gotta go to dinner soooo PEACE!