rainbow burrito

turns out i was stressing over nothing. found out some dumbass sluts said some shit that was completely UNTRUE. haha yeah right like i would ever have sex with that fat fuck. grossssssss. dont make me throw up the nectarine i just ate. so im pretty effin happy. cody came over on friday and it was super fun :) and he might come over today too. which means i probably should be getting ready right now but whateverrr. some asshole said some LIES about me and cody having sex in jamie's bed which was completely untrue. i dont see why someone who supposedly "wants their best friend back" would say shit like that. but what do you expect. i dont even really want to talk about him or that though because it makes me so upset. the whole him and jamie thing is the most ridiculous thing ever. i hate it. mmmm so i still really wanna go to disneyland, but i keep spending my paycheck $$ instead of saving up for it. its really hard for me to keep money though because there are so many things i want to buy. like shoes. i love shoes. summers going by too fast :/

freedom of speech

apparently people don't understand that concept. if someone wants to voice their opinion...they can do it freely. so fuck off. mmm yeah woke up in a bad mood, again. i didnt get any sleep last night. too much is on my mind. im really trying to not think about it though. plus you know how i am...always thinking the worst in a situation. but then again i know how a certain someone is, always exaggerating things and trying to make me think the worst. i just want today to be over so i can be free from work for five days straight. i dont have much of an appetite...idk why. summers supposed to be a happy time but pretty much my only highlight so far was my birthday. i think my work is depressing me, i've contemplated quitting. for some reason working around a bunch of screaming kids is not the best job...i wonder why. the only reason i'll probably stick around is because of the money. gahh i always hate writing about depressing stuff. so on a happier note.....ha i can't think of anything good right now.

we gonna party like its ya birthday

wooo birthday party was effin fun minus jerry throwing up EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!! but whatev. im not in a good mood right now and i dont know why. i really wish i could listen to my new atmosphere cd down here but jerry unplugged my speakers and im too lazy to plug them back in so im stuck listening to AFI on my ipod...bummer :/ haha. yeahhhhh boyfriends got some new piercings and he looks sexy as fuck. snakebites are one of the hottest things ever. and when you have a smokin hot boyfriend and then he gets smokin hot piercings thats like one million times hotness right there and i know bitches are gonna be all up on his nuts. fuck. this relationship has made me realize how jealous of a person i really am. but i cant help it and i dont know what to do to change it. if i have guy friends he can have girl friends but i just always assume and karmas probably gonna kick me in the face if i keep doing it. its just sooooooooooooooooooooo hard. and then i get all self conscious and freak out and yeah :/ but anyways back to my birthday....it was so much fun and hard to believe that i could actually pull off an evening that amazing. but i did it and i honestly dont know how i did. but it was seriously the best birthday i have ever had. all thanks to cody :) theres a lot of stuff i could talk about right now about my birthday but im not sure how much i want to spill. lets just say it was fucking amazing and leave it at that. and now im in a really bad mood because i feel so stressed out on so much. i have so many things i want to do and need to do and not enough time to do them. i have work most days at 6 but it fucks up my whole day because my friends are vampires and dont have free time to hang out with them and all they do is drink every fucking day and that doesnt even sound that appealing. and i miss my steph and want to hang out with her and i want to go to disneyland and i want things to get better and i want to stop worrying and over analyzing every little thing but its just how am i and the stupid gardeners woke me up this morning which is probably why im in a really shitty mood and ranting about every little thing possible. well since im in a bad mood im just going to let it all come out. sooooo fuck you you fucking asshole and leave me the fuck alone, seriously you have a fucking wife and i dont like how you show up at my house without asking i dont like the inappropriate texts you send me i dont like how after two fucking years you claim to still be in love with me and i really dont like the sick feeling i get after i receive a text from you. i hate how my day automatically becomes shitty as soon as you try talking to me. im not attracted to you and i've told you off and have brought up the fact that i have a boyfriend over a million times but you dont give up. and i honestly dont know what to do. because as much as i ignore you it seems you try even harder to talk to me, you dont get the hint. what the fuck do i have to do? okay that didnt help my mood at all. i guess i'll go make some chocolate milk or something.

craving

but its all good. dont know when i'll have free time since work takes up my life. but no work tomorrow and monday! except i have some family thing tomorrow...idk if i should invite cody. i dont think he wants to meet my crazy family. birthday in eight days! dont really have anything in mind though. i feel bad getting presents since my family just threw down a bunch of cash for graduation. but i want the atmosphere cd. and ummm maybe some movies like Candy or The Notebook and I would give ANYTHING if someone got me the movie live freaky, die freaky....but that movie is ridiculously hard to find. and i really really wanna go to disneyland with my boyfriend because that would be super cute <3 soooo anyways, i graduated and wow the whole ceremony and eerything was so surreal. its hard focusing on the little details that happened because it went by so fast. i remember almost crying at least five times, i remember holding stephs hand, i remember making a new friend named armando who sat next to me during the ceremony, i remember seeing mrs alcott and almost crying because i'll probably never talk to her again, i remember hearing jerry scream i love you brandi! i remember cagley looking at me and saying wow... and i remember trying to find my family afterwards. it seemed like the whole thing was only five minutes long. i also remember being unbelieveably happy. and then i got to hang out with my friends and they all toasted me and almost made me cry again. especially cody. but ah. now im out of high school and have to be a big kid now :/ and now i have to rush out the door for work. lameeeee.

like water flowing into lungs, i am flowing through these days

i cannot recall a moment in my life where i was happier than i am now. it's pretty hard. the only way for my life to be perfect right now would be if i had a stable best friend but i currently am working on that :) i've got a yob, i'm about to graduate, i'm in love, and i've got an amazing summer approaching. life is pretty much good. and yesterday was my last friday of high school and it could not have been better. it was bittersweet. i experienced so many emotions yesterday it's incomprehensible. i cried during second and third and almost fourth. first off, during second we're giving farewell speeches in english and spencer gave his and it just hit me then that the last time i see him might be on monday. i've known spence since elementery school and we were best friends in 6th grade and he's one of the funniest and most sincere people i know, and now i might not ever see him again :/ then during third i read what steph had signed in my yearbook and i started crying. she pretty much spilled her heart out about our whole friendship drifting apart and it made me miss her so much. i am going to do whatever i can to keep that girl. she's my best friend. mmkay then fourth period i hung out with cody and he showed me what karrin had written in his yearbook (a page and a half of her undying love for him pretty much). yeah...wow. i was at a loss for words. i don't know how anyone can do such a thing like that. umm hello he has a girlfriend. fuckennnnnnn shit. like seriously, i've been with him for FOUR MONTHS and some ho tries to tell MY boyfriend how much she loves him. go tell your toilet how much you love it you bulimic bitch. talk about not having any morals. ah wow sorry i'm in a bad mood now :/ well anyways...after school i went over to cody's and his mommy came home and bought me some shirts and i love them a lot in fact i'm wearing one right now :) and then...yeah :) like...yeah. :D mm i'm sooo happy. last night was truly truly amazing. it was so much better than i had expected. <33333333333333333333333333333333

yousahoe

gawwdddammn this weekend has gone by so slow. maybe because i can't see cody or talk to him at all. :( boo for grounding. i don't even know why he got grounded or how his mom found out about anything. i saw the strangers on friday and couldnt text him during the night while i stayed up because i was too scared to go to sleep :/ yesterday at the block EVERYTHING reminded me of him. the guy working the Vans store looked like him, some guy walked by smelling like him and all these little things reminded me of him like the shirt someone wore or a tall person or even the simple sound of a skateboard. you have no idea how badly im looking forward to going to school tomorrow to see him. that boy...<3 mmm so only six days of school left for me. yay. i gotta get college shit finalized though. i think im getting sick. my throat feels like ive been screaming for a really long time. and i have a bit of a cough. fuckkk. i cant get sick this week. or next week especially. i probably should be doing sketches right now for art but im trying to upload a super cute picture and this computer is being tooooooo slow. shoot me.