wheeeeeee

im happy :) had a blast at scary farm, met a boy there. it was pretty fun. nothing much else to say. im over everything i just wish he could still talk to me. gotta get my halloween outfit soon. oh yeah did i mention i had fun at scary farm :))))) hahahahaha

what the mother fucking fuck

wow. shows how much i really meant to you. obviously seven and a half months meant NOTHING. after everything i did to try and save our relationship. i cared so fucking much about you and it apparently didn't matter. i hope you used protection because that nasty ass cunt has diseases up the ass. and i thought i still loved you. wow. i can't believe you. and you don't even care. you could have at least waited longer than two weeks of being single before sticking your dick in some nasty loose whores vagina. but whatever. i'm so over it. you've disrespected me sooooooo much. i honestly can't believe this.

i did so much for you. i put everything before you. i made you my number one priority and this is all i get in return. fuck that.

closure

is all i want. just one more talk. to say thank you. for everything. if you knew how amazing you are, if you knew how much you impacted my life, if you knew how happy i was with you. if only you knew... i know the next girl will be so lucky. i can't help but feeling jealous. i want one more chance just to see if we can make it work this time. i promise i'll talk, there won't be any worry of a comunication gap. i cared the whole time, i just didn't show it as well as i should have. i know thats why we aren't together anymore, because i should have been there for you instead of distancing myself and giving you your space. i saw it a month before it happened, i was just in denial the whole time. then when it hit me it was such a shock, because we had our good moments in between the bad i always thought there was hope. i guess you had other thoughts. but hey i'll always be there for you i promise. as long as you're happy i am. no matter what. i just tried keeping you happy throughout our relationship. i guess i didn't do a good job at it. :(
the single life is hard. its weird having guys on my nuts already. and whats really bad is they're close friends of cody. some friendship. ha. one of the guys that wants me shares codys name haha weirddd. i have no interest in any of them. its too soon. plus i have this really bad habit of comparing them all to cody. i have all these expectations and i fear i'll never find anyone as good as him. i'll be single forever.
so the new house is alright. just up the street from my old one. its nice not being homeless anymore.
this weekend helped big time. i had so much fun with bre, aaron, nathan, cody kha and michael :) too bad i wont be here this weekend to have more fun with them. but im so excited for nevada you have no idea. i wont be home until the 17th if i'm lucky. thats going to be hard not seeing my fullerton family for that long :/ everyone better get their goodbyes in on thursday. then when i come back we'll party for sure :)
i'll end this on a happy note haha. i never thought me and silky bitch would be friends. but it turns out he never hated me. haha.

stage one:

denial. wow. i knew it was going to be hard, but i didn't know it was going to be thisss hard. breaking down every five minutes really isn't a good thing at all. i've been crying since tuesday night. i miss him so fucking much. just looking at him and knowing he isn't mine anymore KILLS me. and every thing reminds me of him which causes me to break down again. i can't do this. i wish i could have saved our relationship when i saw it was failing, i tried but it didn't work. now i feel so empty. everyone tells me i'll find someone better but there is nothing better. that boy came into my life and made me happy, even when i was mad at him i was still happy. he's amazing. he was my everything. now i'm nothing. i opened up like i've never opened up before, i was completely comfortable with him. he knew me better than anyone else. he knows things about me no one knows. the thought of anyone else with him kills me. those are my spots, thats my territory. well it was at least. i haven't been able to go through all 200 texts i have of his. thats probably going to be the hardest part. idk actually maybe accepting this will be the hardest thing i ever do. i would kill to get him back. just one more chance please. i can't do this.