i'm pretty sure i can die happy now

i met adam carson, jade puget, hunter burgan and DAVEY HAVOK!!!!!! 

i am so happy right nowwwwwwwwwwww :D

they were all so nice and they signed my cd and then we got smith to sign our cds too

we waited for 2 and a half hours in the cold but omg it was so fucking worth it

eeeeeeeeeeee

except i think i'm getting sick now :/

my throat hurts.

jamies bday tomorrow!

note to self:

stop buying things online

its not good!

your money will be gone before you know it!!

and dont ever spend $100 on a tank top again

even if it has a giraffe on it

dumbass

i officially get to meet AFI tomorrow at 6 pm

the wait was worth it

<333

my new tattoo is amazing to say the least :)

i super super love it

its all red right now though but the swelling should go down tomorrow

not a lot of people like it but fuck them

AFI means more to me than they think its not like i didn't put any thought into this

i've liked them for eight years now i'm pretty sure this tattoo has some meaning behind it

ugh whatever

c's bday was alright

he invited me to haunt with him 

i already planned on going but him asking me personally was a bit nice

tomorrow gotta get up early and go to costa mesa. it will be worth it though i hope

no sleep since 9 yesterday morning

nocturnal was insanely fun

my head hurts though i think its from all that drum and bass haha

got hit on a bajillion times but c came to my rescue and it was so cute :)

"you know when people close their eyes to go to their happy place? well i don't have to because i'm there right now"

mm so this statement probably wasn't entirely about me and it was probably said because of some other factors butttttt i still liked hearing him say it

we finally danced together too

freaking took long enough haha

i need sleep. and a shower. i have like 65,000 peoples' sweat on me

nervous for tonight :/

things got a little better..

i think

appointment on monday for a tattoo :)

what did i do?

why has everything changed?

:/

i got mauled by dick today

that little puppy chewed up my legs and my arms

but i learned a new card game at kha's house and beat everyone the first time i played :)

good day? pretty much 'cept i got a killa headache

afi album on their myspizzace and i'm officially in love with "cold hands"

posting the lyrics soon<3

oh i'm working on my communication but its hard when he aint communicating back muchhhh haha

things to look forward to:

new episode of HOUSE on tonight. finally!

AFI will be playing their entire CD tuesday and wednesday on their myspace page

thursday market

friday- candy making party

saturday- Nocturnal

sunday-sleeping all day :)

monday- c's birthday

tuesday- bussing it to costa mesa to get AFI's new cd and the pass to meet them on

WEDNESDAY!!!!!!! ah my life will be complete if i can meet davey havok

thursday- jamie's birthday

friday- movies and party

saturday- homecoming

sunday- shopping

thats it so far :)

apparently i'm "the bitch who doesnt know how to communicate"

how can i communicate with someone who doesn't know how to open up? i know my communication skills suck but yours aren't that much better. you surely know how to communicate with all the other girls that give you attention though. i guess i'll work on that shit since i'm focused on getting what i want right now. and unfortunately what i want is you. so maybe just maybe expect my communication skills to improve. i would have talked more last night but that hangover was killing me. i have six days to improve everything between us. lets hope it works.

i feel like being a dirty whore

stupid weather.

some crazy mexican guy was screaming things at me while i was crossing the street. it was weird. then some weird guy was walking behind me when i went home and he watched me as i walked into my house. fucking creepers i swear. i need some damn pepper spray or a taser i swear. i'm so tiny so even though i'm tough i dont know how well i would be able to defend myself if i was ever attacked or something. but i worry too much.  

i wish i had more girl friends. i kinda regret that. i'm in such a need for advice from someone but i really have not many people to go to. i wish i could have been better friends with some of the girls i know like izzy or rylee. 

i realized jamie and i have a lot in common. not like i didnt already know that but i realized more things today.  we're both in on and off relationships with our first love.  we both hooked up with a boy who was dating a girl within the group. and now those girls hate us. no it's not the same boy haha. it's just funny how we're pretty much going through the same thing right now.

my tummy hurts. i think its the pasta salad i just ate. 

market with mindy!

that conversation kinda helped...but not really

it just added to the stress i already have like:

math test tomorrow

essay due

presenting my shakespeare

figuring out whats going on with c

sooo as nice as the conversation was, the whole situation just shouldnt have happened. if i knew it was going to bring so much drama i never would have done it in the first place. things happen way too fast. ugh.

class was canceled. i know i posted like 30 minutes ago. whatever. something got out that shouldnt have. dont know what to do.

i guess i shouldnt make a big deal about it though.

two weeks until Crash Love comes out. i love this weather.

two weekends until nocturnal. got my ticket for 58 dollars bitches. i'll sell it to you for $5 though haha.

ugh something needs to make my headache go away.

i have a feeling today wont be a good day

its already starting off pretty bad

the last five guys i have kissed, every time i kissed them for the first time i was drunk or under the influence

i dont know what this says about myself

but i dont think its very good

last weekend you were all flirty and we barely spent any time apart

this weekend you were distant

what changed between then and now?

and how do i fix it?

fainting spells

wow

AFI released a new song called Fainting Spells.

damn.

it starts off all slow and then the chorus is basically screamo, and you arent expecting it at all. ah its amazing. i have it on repeat on itunes right now. this totally postpones me getting in the shower right now. yeahhh this pretty much just sealed the deal on my AFI tattoo at the end of this month haha. i just gotta figure out what i want to get done. the bunny is too overrated. maybe something off sing the sorrow. or the art of drowning. whatever i got time to think about it.

might get my nocturnal ticket today. might get it saturday. kinda nervous. never been to a rave before. but this one has carnival rides haha. 

victorias having a thing in her backyard tonight. i hope its fun. idkkk though. maybe i'll just go hang out with cj and jamie and all of them. 

i had the worst dream this morning. i was at golden hill and i left to pee and then i walked up and c was kissing paris and jamie came over to comfort me then c came over and i was screaming at him and told him to fuck off and he just kept trying to explain that it was okay and at one point he even said "i'm going over to paris' for a while and we're going to hook up and that's going to be okay with you" and i was like oh hell no and i just kept screaming at him and he didnt see what was wrong and for some reason thomas was on his side so i kept looking for thomas to punch and then we somehow were by paris' house and her dad drove up and i told him his daughter is a slut and he said "yeah thats why we have the fbi looking for her" (which doesnt make sense but this is a dream haha) and i kept looking for thomas because i wanted to beat the shit out of him but before he came out of the garage i woke up.

i think i watch too much tool academy or something.

it felt so real though, i woke up freaking pissed. haha.

stop. go. stop and go.

i'm kinda addicted to shwayze's song "get u home" its dirty but i like it :)

spent the night at c's last night. i didnt plan on it but when we were at kha's he asked if i wanted to stay the night at his house. and i cant say no to that. plus victoria didnt feel like driving me all the way home too haha. i'm glad his mom is chill with me staying over. i like being on the parents good side haha. c stayed up with me to watch the mighty boosh at 1 even though i dont think he likes the show that much but i love it. it was a pretty good night. we slept in until one but i'm still tired. i dont think i overslept though. thennn when he got in the shower i turned on ten things i hate about you. i love that movie so much :) "FIGHT!" "ooh! fight!" hahaha. no one will understand that but jamie. and then when that movie was over bubble boy came on.  i was pretty happy. the rest of the day was alright. i gotta shower and do some homework. and eat. because i'm starving.

not sure my plans for today. a lot of people stayed out super late last night so everyone might be too tired to do anything. two nights ago c came over at 2 in the morning because he had nowhere to stay. surprisingly my dad was really okay with that, he even made him a comfy ass bed on the couch haha. woke up early, couldnt sleep but i think it had to do with the fact that there was someone sleeping downstairs. at around 11 i had to send him upstairs to sleep in my bed because jamie had to watch her shows haha. the fatty finally wakes up at one and we watch when a stranger calls. we went over to his aunts house at 5 to swim and eat and finally left there at ten. his aunt is so nice and she did my toes all cute. i've never had a pedicure before so it was pretty exciting :) c's little cousins are so in love with him and it was so cute to see him playing with them. i've never seen him like that before haha. then victoria and aaron came and picked us up and we chilled at the church parking lot for a bit until my mom freaked out that i didnt have a ride home so my dad came and got me at midnightish. its okay because i was tired anyways. havent heard from anyone yet but i'm sure they stayed out all night so i probably wont get hit up until like 9 or ten tonight haha. oh well. jamie and i might go see a movie today. i dont really care what we do i just want some time with her because we haven't gotten any sister time in a while. its mostly my fault though. 

if you dont want me to fall in love with you again, you're doing it wrong

but the past 24 hours with you have made me very happy

sometimes i wish my life were just a little bit busier.

at least it would keep my mind off things.

listen to your heart, before its too late. its crying out to love but is the risk too great?

summer has ended. most of my friends start school tomorrow. my third week is already almost over haha. i should be writing an essay right now. soooo he called me sweetie yesterday. he hasn't called me sweetie since we went out. but i could be really over analyzing this scenario right now. most likely because thats what i always do. i was a little distant today.. my psychology teacher said distance leads to cheating. it seems like we talk about cheating every day in that class and it really gets to me. thats the one thing i probably will never get over and it kinda upset me when my teacher said that a lot of the times the girl is to blame for the guy cheating. i dont wanna blame myself for that. ughhhh i hate that i cant get over that :/ it happened like a year ago i should just forget about it. its hard though. wedding tomorrow, after all my classes. i'm excited to see jolie finally. she's going to look so beautiful. its weird to think six years ago we were freshmen hanging out in theater with cagley and now she's about to walk down the aisle. time flies by so fast dude. i hope something good happens soon. 

"i cant believe you made me call connor christmas"