ugh i'm so done with everyone. last night was bullshit.

how did we manage to piss off each others parents within 24 hours of each other? its okay now though my mommy and daddy aren't mad anymore. but shit last night was intense. i did a lot of punching yesterday. my fist is killing me. i hit people i never want to hit again and i said a lot of things i never wanna say again. oh well c helped me forget about it all last night. i just hope his mommy doesnt hate me since i slept over there last night. gahh. bre and i were supposed to hang out today. that didnt happen. movies tomorrow maybe. after the doctors. eee i've never had a physical before i'm kinda nervous. i'll just bust a teeth and bite the doctors fingers off hahahahaha

i think

its happening again... :/

i thought the second time would be easier

i'm so over it. behind closed doors you're so cute with me but anywhere in public and its like i'm not even there. i can't take it. i tried my best not to get attached but the last night we spent at victorias changed it all. i dont know what to do. maybe i should just give up. i want us to have something but it doesnt seem like that will happen any time soon. gah.

you worry about not getting enough alone time with him but did you ever think about alone time with me? its so frustrating being around you two because all you do is focus your attention on him. hello there are other people around. and keep the pda to a minimum please i really dont need to hear you guys kissing every five minutes. i miss hanging out with you but even when we get our few minutes alone all you do is talk about him. 

everyone i made plans with today flaked. people who said they would hit me up later didn't and others just stayed home to rest from the weekend. so tomorrow i'm spending time with jamie and only her and we're going to get alone time together because its much needed. and then dinner with the family at rainforest cafe or cheesecake factory or hopefully olive garden. 

i register for classes tomorrow but i still haven't decided on what to take. shit.

you're doing this to yourself. i never left you. i've always been there for you. i don't even know if you'll read this since you stopped following me on here. but i just want you to know that "even if you can't hear my voice, i'll be right beside you dear."

i hate myself for being too nice. it always gets me fucked over. i wish i could be mean to people because maybe then i wouldnt get walked all over and maybe i would have actually yelled at the guy that grabbed my ass tonight instead of just brushing it off. i wish i could be stronger. but i always put people first and worry about their feelings instead. i have such a big fear that my niceness is seriously going to get me hurt someday...

snuff

friday/saturday were intense. no need to get into details. i'm in the family now :) well almost, i still have to do the icyhot initiation. summer is going pretty well so far. kinda at least. there are things that could be better but i'm not too worried about it. theres one thing i'm still completely unsure about. i wish things were more clearer. it gets so hot in victorias room its so hard to sleep. of course sharing that tiny bed doesnt help much either. i didnt mind who i was sharing it with though hahaha. and the shower after we woke up made it better too. i dont know what i'm doing today. its almost three and i'm still trying to make plans ha.

i might like you better baby

victorias back! :) last night/yesterday was so much fun. everyone came over to celebrate aaron's birthday. even jamie. i love the presents she got me. especially my owl ring its adorable. the next few weeks are going to be insane, if her and aaron can remain good that long. i think its the substances that come between them sometimes, they make people so emotional. so hopefully we can have some sleepovers soon with you know who. haha. dude that dumb cunt shandi is always walking by my house i fucking hate having to see her every fucking day. bre and i aren't talking anymore. i guess i choose drugs victoria and cody over her. it kinda felt like she was almost blaming me for the whole friendship falling apart when i felt like i made the most effort. i would constantly text her wanting to hang out and i wouldnt get a reply so i dont see how this is my fault. whatever. maybe she'll talk to me soon and we can sort it all out. mmkay breakfast time.

victoria needs to get on skype so i can video chat with her! but i'm sitting at frucci talking to brent so its all good :) its just me and him because its closed everywhere else for the fourth but phil is crazy and keeps frucci open but its all good because i get to talk to brent some more hahahahaha. bre and i aren't friends?? well idk. its hard to explain but apparently things have changed between us and its hard for me to accept but if its what she wants then i cant stop her. almost two years thrown away. but if she's happy without me in her life then i can only be happy that she's happy. of all the people i know she needs to be happy, she puts so much out there only to get shut down all the time. i just wish she would find someone to make her happy. well happy fourth of july everyone. who knows how tonight is going to turn out. hopefully well. my boy situation? ha. as complicated as it comes. if my phone let me receive every text people send me maybe it would be different. but i cant put all the blame on my phone. its hot. fjalkjslajal

love games???

i honestly dont know. the most confusing person in my life i swear. like where do we stand? do i even have the nerve to ask? i can't get you off my mind. for the past year and a half that i've known you i haven't gone one day without thinking about you. too forward? im sorry im just letting my emotions get the best of me. i dont see where this is going but i dont plan on ending it anytime soon. maybe its just the familiarity idkkk. 

i miss bre. we never talk anymore. 

i cant wait for victoria to come back. maybe things will finally go back to normal.

who knows?

oh my texting is fucked up so hopefully i get a new phone soon.