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i think sometimes when i order food without meat the workers slip in a few pieces (i found a small piece of beef in my taco bell)

i absolutely cannot ride in an elevator. i'm terrified of them.

i worry a lot. and think the worst in every situation.

i hate when people reply to texts with just a smiley face.

i always put my left sock on first then right sock, then right shoe and then left. always.

i like showing my affection but i like it better when i receive it.

emile hirsch is the hottest man alive. heath ledger is the hottest man dead.

i never ever put syrup on my pancakes. 

i'm really sensitive and cry all the time when i watch movies. my top three favorite movies (milk, candy, and into the wild) all make me bawl my eyes out. 

i secretly want to be in the middle of the mosh pit, i'm just scared of getting killed haha.

i'm addicted to blogging. obviously.

and every single time i see your face it reminds me why i walked away

mmm i love the word alive's new song "battle royale" :) this three day weekend sure was an eventful one. aaron and jacob spent the night at victoria's sunday and monday night. sunday we didn't really do anything though. monday on the other hand was crazy. i don't know if i'll ever do it again though. i saw things that i don't ever want to see again. i was delusional. i couldn't think straight and i kept thinking about jamie for some reason but i didn't know where she was. it was pretty bad. if i ever do it again its going to be in a different setting like the outdoors because victoria freaked me the fuck out especially when she started bleeding. not good. imma kickback on the drugs for a while haha. yesterday was the prop 8 protest and that was so much fun. im so upset with the decision to uphold it though. fucking stupid i swear. some people are so ignorant. havent you ever read that "all men are created equal". nothing really to look forward to except girls night on saturday. i wanna keep it sober though. but idk if everyone would agree with me. going downtown today to hang with kerensa :) i havent hung out with her in so long. 

"i felt like i was in fight club" -aaron. hahahahahahahahaha

salty nuts

i would kill to go see emmure on saturday at spring breakdown with impending doom.  unfortunately tickets are twenty dollars and i have limited spending money. jamie gets to go though. i don't know how. i'm really grateful for the support i get from my friends. i dont know what i would do without victoria or lexi or bre. but its not myself i worry about, its my mom and dad. a lot of people want me to just like abandon them and its definitely not as easy as it sounds. those are my parents i don't care how much they've fucked up i still love them. i dont think i could ever leave them. ugh so complicated. everything has to be so complicated. why can't things just be simple? at least schools over. don't have to worry about that until august. now i just gotta find a job. ha. soak city is hiring maybe i'll work there. or kill david and get my job at frucci that i deserve more than him. fucking shittttttttt. bitches better fix my ipod today or imma be angry.

ugh i can't do this shit again. the worst thing that could possibly happen again happened. only it came two months earlier than last year. i hate it. i hope it doesn't last as long this time around. i didn't get the job. great. i need the money too. especially with the current situation. i don't know what to do. 

fuck stability. theres nothing stable in my life.

WEAKend

this weekend was pretty shitty. well overall the entire week was pretty shitty. the best thing about the whole week was the gay pride parade festival in long beach today. it was so much fun. seriously. everyone there was so happy. except the protesters, fucking ignorant assholes. i'm straight but i think every person deserves the right to be happy no matter who they fall in love with. half the time i was wishing i was a gay man because there sure were some fine ass men there. ah. i never saw so much gay ass in my life hahaha and the six packs mmmmm :) i plan on going to the one in LA because that one is going to be ten times bigger!!! ah so exciting. other than that my weekend was okay. i thought i was going to die last night. not fun at all. i had like a panic attack pretty much. i got to see bre today finally after like two months of not seeing her. we didnt get much time together though. i had a job interview yesterday, i hope i get the job. i'm kinda scared i wont get it though :/ i need a job so bad though. my ipod is being retarded. its saying theres no music in it but when i plug it in all my music shows up. like wtf dude. i think it hates me. after everything we've been through hahahaha. lexi comes back tomorrow. yay! only two finals this week then i'm done with school. i can't wait. x men was such a good movie. ryan reynolds and that guy who played gambit or whatever were both pretty fineeeee. i hope its not too hot tomorrow. 

what happened to the good weekend?

i was supposed to hang out with bre today and her mom was gonna pick me up but it turns out she's going to be hanging out with kailey all day so i would have to find my own ride down there and i can't take the bus because thats a two hour bus ride with like three different buses i would have to catch. plus it would probably be awkward with kailey since she's jacobs ex...

and speaking of jacob, he's upset because his buena park fuck is about to get a boyfriend and he doesn't want to lose her. but he doesn't want to lose me either???? well sorry assface but you can't have your cake and eat it too. 

my interview at frucci was pushed ahead to 2:30 instead of 5 and that interrupts my plans of going to LA with victoria on saturday. unless we go after my interview but idk if thats going to happen. 

i miss the fuck out of jamie. i never get to spend any time with her anymore because i'm usually coming home by the time she's already in bed and i'm sure she's been hearing things about me that she doesn't exactly agree with. half those things probably aren't even true. maybe i can make it up to her today and kidnap her away from her boyfriend for a day and re-bond with that ho. take her to see a  movie or something. take her to chick-fil-a in the mall and make her get me some waffle fries.

pardon me

ive been having the same bad dream over and over. its not really the same its just the same idea though. i don't know why i keep dreaming about it if its old news. i guess its something i still stress on even though i shouldn't. i miss all my friends. i miss bre i miss kerensa i miss lexi i miss steph i miss jolie. ah why does life have to be so hectic? only one final tomorrow, at 7 in the morning though. and thats my only class for the day too. awesome. so i've noticed that i've learned not to get attached easily, at least i think i've learned. i'm not sure. maybe i just know that this fling is only temporary so i'm guarding myself from getting hurt once it's over. yesterday was actually really fun. i hung out with super hot dillon :) him and cj are so funny haha. ugh but yesterday i was followed to class by some creepy guy that asked me for my number last week. i'm really glad this is like my last week of school because the guys here are such creepers. hopefully next semester won't be as bad. i just wish it was june already. so many fun things are going down that month, except for victoria leaving for a month. but maybe i'll get her job while she's away. ah i gotta take the bus to school today how freaking lame.

prom

is tonight. hopefully i'll have pictures to post later. yesterday was such a shitty day. fuck the pigs. seriously. i fucking hate cops so much. i needed someone to talk to about everything and my best friend wasn't replying to my texts. i don't even know why i still try anymore. we're falling apart every fucking day. its so ridiculous. i need her. whatever i guess thats how life is and i should just move on or whatever. things change. i just never expected this.

monopoly

yesterday was so much fun. victoria, aaron, jacob and i went to fisler and played monopoly. jacob won but i'm pretty sure he cheated haha. idk it just was really surprising that we all got into it and everyone was sober too which was pretty amazing since the guys tend to not be able to function without getting high. retards haha. ohhh wellllll. so yeah then we went back to victorias and watched little miss sunshine and everyone went home at ten. simple day. but fun.

going to visit bre tomorrow! i'm very excited. 

no hot water wtf. cold showers suck.

finals are next week. awesome.

nvmmmm

on my last blog. jamal doesn't hate me :)

i'm starting to be kinda mean to that kid i like and i realized its because i'm afraid of getting hurt by him so i just put my guard up and pretend i don't actually like him as much as i do. i do that to someone else too, but he hasn't been around lately. but anyways, there's that thing in the back of my mind telling me not to fall for him because he's such a player and he's talking to other girls and he probably doesn't even like me and just wants to get in my pants. so what do i do? 

i'll figure it out i guess. there's bigger things that need to be done before that anyways. like finals coming up in all of my classes. i don't understand why my human sexuality final is at 7 in the morning, why can't it just be at the normal class time?

gonna spend time with bre. i told her i would be down thursday but idk if i can anymore because my dads working but he doesn't work friday so friday might be easier to go down there. its going to be hot that day too so maybe we can go swimming or something. prom on saturday. gotta try on that dress soon. and get everything finished. why can't June be here already????

my own best friend hates me

i miss the days when my sister wasn't so judgmental. it hurts so bad knowing the one person you rely on most for support thinks so lowly of you. yeah i don't do the same things as you but that doesn't make me any less of a person. i'm not in a committed relationship like you so let me have my fun. maybe i don't make the best choices with guys but its not like you do any better. and for the record i didn't fuck him. "hooking up" doesn't automatically mean i had sex. ugh. i have more respect than that. 

and yeah i've been hanging out with victoria practically every day but that doesn't mean i've replaced you, bre. first off, me victoria jacob and aaron have been attached at the hip practically for the past two weeks because aaron and victoria are together and jacob and i kinda have our thing going on and it didn't help much that this past week we were all sick so we hung out with each other because we all got sick at the same time. idk it makes sense to me haha. secondly, victoria lives like five minutes away so its convenient for us to hang out. thirdly, she didn't go to school all last week and i barely have class because of college so i was practically living with her then. i hope that explains it. i shouldn't be having to explain myself though. 

my sore throat still won't go away. 

finals are coming up really soon. school tomorrow. i didn't do any of my homework though. too much stress. 

the new devil wears prada is fucking amazing. i love their new cd! mmm makes me jizz in my pants. sore throats suck. i'm pretty sure its not swine flu but whatever flu i got is really annoying. i get sore throats early in the morning and really late at night but i'm fine during the day. wtf. don't know my plans for today yet. jacob wanted to hang out with me today but we'll see if thats actually going to happen....psh. can't wait for june 19th<3

you would think i would have been smarter

but noooo i wasn't. ugh i should have known better. am i supposed to be your fullerton fuck buddy? you've already got a buena park fuck so what makes you think you can have both? i'm not just a good pair of tits. i'm so much more than that. i actually have morals and respect unlike girls that just go around hooking up with you. i'm glad you haven't gotten what you want out of me because once you get it you'll probably just move on to the next girl. i'm not and never will i be the kind of girl to hook up with a guy without it meaning anything. yes i know there are girls out there like that, but you won't find that in me. so i guess i made a mistake when i hooked up with my ex. and i guess i made a mistake by hooking up with covello and by starting to actually like him. but what do you expect from me since i've been hooking up with him since december. why do girls have to get attached so much easier than guys?