im homeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! :)

i'm leavinggggggg!

ah :/

so nervous!

im supposed to be packing but eff it. i just got home from staying the night at c's and i have to pack everything then hang out with frank then maybe hangout with chuck. then wake up at 5am and go to the airport and flyyyyyyyy to nevada

last night was amazing :)

finally!

aksfkjsdjhajkaaakhfjdha i have a bigfatcrush on F.A. and hanging out with him every weekend without hooking up is really frustrating :/

last night with bre and randall was a lot of fun. i'm very happy with our entire conversation.

i hung out with bre jamie and tori last night and it was so much fun! we drank at the courthouse and just talked about everything and i'm so glad we're friends with bre again. i can see us hanging out with her a lot more now. it seems like a lot of things are starting to get better. :)

for all you bitches that read this and then go on my formspring and give me shit: i'm going to be pms-ing this weekend so my answers are going to be extra bitchy.

halloween sucked. jamie beat up vee. c went home with vee.

lets do the time warp

Have you ever been completely alone with a guy in their bedroom?
yeah

Who is the last person you rode in a car with?
summer and thomas

The last time you felt honestly broken?
october 1, 2008

If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
an advil and wet fries from the hat

Are you there for your friends?
all day erryday

If I say “psycho”, who is the first person that comes to your mind?
haha i thought of haylee

If your parents searched your room, would they be mad at what they’d find?
fuck no

Be honest, do you like people in general?
i actually do, well depends on the day actually

Do you tell your mom or dad everything?
just my mom

Who do you talk to the most about your problems?
jamie or my mom

This time last year, can you remember who you liked?
CAC

How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
around 8

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months?
i have and i can do it again

Would you ever dye your hair blonde?
no never

If you were kicked out of your current residence, whom would you call?
i guess cody since i dont have any close friends that are girls

Did you kiss anyone in ‘10 that actually meant something to you?
yeah

Have you ever done anything illegal?
of course

What are you going to do tomorrow?
going to the doctors, then to school

Have you ever been out past curfew?
i dont have a curfew

Do you like your school?
yeah i dont want to leave :(

Are you taller than 5 foot 7 inches?
i wish

Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a J, R, M, K?
yes, no, yes, no

Were you single two birthdays ago?
nope

Have you ever had sex with somebody that you just met right before?
mmm no

Is the last person you kissed black?
wtf no

Have you ever went the whole day without moving?
well i've spent the whole day in bed before

How do you feel about your hair right now?
i need to wash it

Have you ever been called cute?
yep

Are you currently looking forward to anything?
bmth on friday

Did you text someone til you fell asleep last night?
no

Last person you kissed walks out of your life, what do you do?
probably freak out a little then somehow move on since it wouldn't be the first time

Are you wasting your time on someone?
yes probably

Were you single on your last birthday?
yep

Who was the first female you talked to today?
my mom

Is there something you need?
food in my belly

Have you ever slept in the same bed with anyone?
yeah

Could things possibly get any better?
they definitely could

Can you curse around your parents?
yeah my mom kinda gets mad though

Have your parents ever searched your room or personal belongings?
not that i know of

Do you get annoyed seeing someone you don’t like?
fuck yesssssss

What are you listening to?
house, the tv show not the type of music

Would you cry if you found out one of your friends were pregnant?
no unless it was jamie

Does seeing couples in love make you mad?
only if theyre gross

Have you ever been hurt by someone you never thought would hurt you?
yeah of course

Next time you will kiss someone?
hopefully this weekend! and hopefully their name rhymes with drank

Have you ever asked a boy for advice?
yeah

Could you ever be friends with the person who hurt you most in life?
maybeeeee

Who always makes you happy?
jamie!

Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?
no

Has someone that you liked told you that you are a waste of their time?
no i would punch them

Is their someone of the opposite sex that means a lot to you?
quite a few of them actually

Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms(of the opposite sex) in the past week?
yeah

Ever been called a bitch?
all the time :)

Have you consumed alcohol in the past 24 hours?
nope

Have you ever kissed anyone with a name that started with R?
no this was already asked

Will you be up before 7 AM tomorrow?
fuck no

What will you be doing in 3 hours?
hopefully sleeping

Have you dated the person you texted last?
gross no we're sisters

Are you satisfied with your life as of now?
sure

How do you handle breakups?
i suck at handling them

Without naming names, say one thing to someone.
three days until oli sykes pees on me!

Do you want someone back in your life?
no

If you had to get a tattoo where would you get it?
my foor

How’s your heart lately?
beating

Anyone say they wanted to be with you forever?
yeah like a million years ago

Is there anyone you cannot go a day without talking to?
jamiejabronie

Do you look people in the eye when you talk to them?
i suck at that

Do you like anyone?
a few people

Have you ever broken anything because you were mad?
no

Do you have a friend named Ashley?
no

Do you love your family?
of course

Are you scared of spiders?
hell no

im so frustrated :/ i can't handle this stupid uncertainty anymore. people are telling me he has a new girl and it's just insane because last weekend he was trying to get me to come over. so where did this bitch come from? and is she just a fling or should i be genuinely worried?

Let’s start off with your relationship status:
single

Could you have sex with the last person you text messaged?
no

Have you been disappointed in the past three days?
yes but only in myself

Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past three months?
yeah i share a room with my sisters so take a guess

Are you alone right now?
yeah but paul justin and jamie are downstairs

Have you ever kissed someone who was high?
yep yep yep

Have you ever fallen asleep in school?
never

Who’s the biggest douche bag that you know?
ha! i can name a few people

Do you like anyone?
yesss

What about dislike anyone?
of course! i fucking dislike a bunch of people

Do you have empty bottles of alcohol anywhere?
nope

Who was last to slap your butt?
hahahaha

Do you have siblings over the age of 21?
nope im the oldest

Relationships or one night stands ?
relationships definitely

Where is your biological father right now?
uhh... idk

Honestly, did you really love the last person you said I love you to?
yes i think i said it to harvey

What do you usually do right away when you wake up?
look at my phone then get out of bed

When was the last time you were told you were cute?
i think on friday

If you caught your significant other cheating on you what would you do?
i dont have a significant other but if i did catch them i would beat the fuck out of the bitch he was cheating with

Ever sat in someone’s lap because there were no more seats in a vehicle?
yeah i sit between jamies legs

Do you have sex everyday?
no what the fuck i would be loose like shandi

Last person you talked to on the phone?
victoria marie

What’s the closest black thing to you?
my purse

What were you doing last night at midnight?
coming home from not toilet papering

Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
yeah i think so

Is there anyone in the room with you?
no

Can you honestly say you’re okay right now?
sure

What would happen if you were locked in a room with the last person you kissed?
we would probably have sex or just bitch at each other

Is any part of your body sore?
my thighs are for some reason

How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
twentyfuckingone

Have you kissed the last person you texted?
no i've never kissed chuck, except the cheek on new years

Do you want a tattoo?
no i fucking hate them hahahahahaha just kidding of course i want ANOTHER one

Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you?
haha yeah

Next time you will kiss someone?
probably next weekend or the weekend after

What are you planning on doing after this?
going back on tumblr

Ever kissed someone that smokes?
yes

Could you go a month without talking to your best friend?
never! she lives with me so that would be so hard!

last night c pretty much avoided me the whole night at the party but at 4 am i got a text from him saying "come wake me up in the morning!" yeah how about i come wake you up with a fist to your face you confusing assface

i slept over at c's last night. we stayed up wayyyy late i think we went to bed somewhere between 5 and 6. he couldn't sleep so we stayed up and talked about the most random shit ever. that boy. ah. and it turns out that one of the boys lauren is seeing used to be one of my best friends in jr high! small world haha. thats all thats important from last night.

went to laurens last night with jamie. lauren was so wasted when we got there. c showed up with danny and aaron and right when we were leaving he texted me asking if i wanted to go watch movies with him. of course i said yes. aaron came too and he watched youtube until 4 am then he fell asleep and c and i watched a movie called bad company (i think) with chris rock in it. we went to bed a little after 5. i woke up around ten and tried sleeping longer but it was hard. c and i cuddled all day. aaron went to the beach. and we got some alone time. i helped him register and become an official college student! he only has one class though haha. idk when i'll see him next but the time we had together today was nice :)

day three of a nonstop blood-pounding-in-my-head headache
this is pretty serious :/

i slept over at c's last night. just us two. we watched dogtown and z-boys and i fell in love with the documentary. didn't go to bed until 6 or 7ish. didn't get much sleep. woke up to an empty house and then i walked home at 5. now im vegging out when i should be getting ready for jose's tonight.

warped tourrrrrr :D
was so much fucking fun
no words can really describe it
except stupid asshole thomas was there and he cheated on his gf with summer the whole time
but emmure kicked ass and bmth made me lose my voice and suicide silence was awesome and sonny moore was sexy and craig owens was heavenly
<3

i feel that is ultimately impossible to ever get over c
i found myself missing him so much last night and feeling like there wasn't a thing i could do about it

hot tub with shana summer jamie pierre justin and paul last night was super fun :)

san clemente has been fun. i feel like i ate so much here though i probably gained 15 pounds. aunt linda took us to chipotle for lunch and islands for dinner :) she let me drive her car and i did a pretty good job at it. we went shopping at the irvine spectrum and i got two shirts and a romper from h&m. tomorrow im supposed to go on a two day cabin trip with jose but he hasnt hit me up about it yet :/

jamie didnt come home last night. what a cunt. i couldnt get any sleep because of it.

audiotistic was pretty fun. im surprised i had so much fun while staying sober the whole time. i was super tired after though. spent the night at c's but nothing happened because the second my head hit the pillow i passed out. it's okay though because we cuddled still. idk exactly where i stand with him at this moment though. i think i need to step back and re-evaluate everything before continuing on this path that leads nowhere.
last night jamie and i saw inception and it was freaking amazing. joseph gordon levitt is so fucking hot i probably jizzed like five times during the movie :)

i spent the night at c's last night. we stayed up until 6 AM and i was super tired but it was pretty fun
now i have to find a fucking ride to audiotistic by tomorrow

i spent the night at c's last night. it was very fun. he protected me from the ghosts at fern drive and cheered me up when i was pissed off at everyone. :)

goingggg to the beach today with chuck jamie and dave :)

damn this hair dye turning my hair and skin pink

i'm frustrated and pms-ing and i dont want to go to work! i went everywhere looking for pants because it's going to be cold tonight and i dont have any khaki pants and i couldnt find ANY that looked good on me or fit me or were warm enough or were khaki enough or tight enough.
this is going to be a shitty five days straight of work.
on a happier note i slept over at c's two nights ago. we watched tombstone :)

drank at chuck's last night
it was pretty fun
then walked to c's house with him aaron and randall
we camped out in his backyard hahaha
barely got any sleep
my back is sore
now i have an hour to get ready for work!

spent the night at c's last night
it went alright i guess
i just got home and it's ten thirty
last night could have been better
but eh whatever

ugh i was supposed to get paid today and i didnt
and my boss is really creepin me out
and stupid c didnt reply to my text
>:(

my birthday was very fun :)
i got pretty drunk off parrot bay coconut rum and PBR (not mixed together of course!)
i went home with c and we had our fun time then we stayed up talking the rest of the night. he opened up a lot and we just talked about EVERYTHING it was pretty awesome. i was very happy with how my birthday turned out :)

happy birthday to me!! :)

jade puget is into dubstep?
nooooooooooooooooooooooooo
what is this world coming to

fathers day party today at uncle johns :)
super excited to see my papa and grandma. and we're half celebrating my birthday today too.
hopefully get to hang out with victoria later also.

graduation was fun last night. went to a party c was hosting then went over to shay's. c invited me over to his house to spend the night even though he was leaving early for mexico in the morning. we got there at like 430 and passed out about an hour later. then c and aaron and everyone left at 8 and i stayed there until noon. it was kinda weird being in his house all by myself but it made me feel even more close with his family because its not like they would trust just anyone to stay in their house while they're away. and now i have c's house key. and i wont see him until my birthday or monday if im lucky. but i really liked that i got to spend the night with him before he left. and now i have work tonight and im probably going to be super tired but oh well.

orientation went by super quick!
i stayed over at c's last night. we didn't bump uglies but i was pretty content. sometimes its just nice to sleep next to him.
he might go to some rave tonight, i hope not.
gay pride tomorrow in LA but i dont have a ride :(

i went and voted today. newsom won for the democrat candidacy of lieutenant governor :)
dodgers won :)
lakers won :)
and i got a new cosmopolitan to read :)

spent the night at c's last night again. so i basically spent the entire weekend with him :)
tomorrow i am hanging out with steph again!

got super drunk at jose's last night. c was being a meanie and left. but he came back! and joe had a talk with him and he said it was about good things :) then c and i went to his house later that night. i couldn't sleep very well though :/ and my tailbone is like super bruised. now im gonna shower and try to figure out tonights plans.

sooooooo excited to hang out with steph today :D
19 days until my bday

how nice of you texting me wanting to get food when you couldnt even bother hitting me up this weekend at all to hangout. best friends? ha!

grr! i wanted to hang out with c tonight but he's not replying to my texts
i got a cute shirt from tillys and cute shoes from payless
oh and an aqua flannel also from tillys
lunch with aunt linda was fun
now hopefully later tonight is fun too

i got really drunk last night :/
but i went over to c's and it was just me and him and it was really nice
tonight idk what im doing
shopping with aunt linda tomorrow then hopefully after i can go hang out with c again

its friday! and i have no plans yet whatsoever. himesauce and i might make jell-o shots. but who knows??

ajfksafkasjsaljhhasjka i just want to see c and hang out with him and spend the night at his house and ajfajfjasljlakjala i miss him and I HATE IT. okay i dont hate it.

prom was kinda lame. i saw c. but we didn't really acknowledge each other. it kinda sucked. i got to see everyone i wanted to though. the party bus was fun too. but when jamie got home she ran away for an hour and a half to see kurt for some retarded reason. that kept me up until about 315 AM and then i fell asleep when she came home. then woke up at 9. 6 hours of sleep. that's not normal. and i'm like super frustrated and upset and on my rag so today definitely wont be a good day.

prom date

this is my sister jamie. she's my prom date. well i guess you can say i'm her prom date since it is her prom. i love this girl more than anything and anyone. she is the only person who has truly been there for me every time i needed her and i hope she can say the same thing about me. even though i'm older i have learned so much from her and if i was even half the amazing person that she is i would feel complete. she doesn't take shit from anyone and she'll stand up for what she believes in. her sense of humor is insane and anyone lucky enough to get close to her realizes how much of an awesome person that she really is. all the guys go crazy about her but who can blame them. and every time i see her i'm proud to call her my sister.

PROM!!!!

getting a ride home on the back of a motorcycle today
im so nervous!!

my sister frustrates me so much
she's hanging out with kurt again when he's dating cynthia
idk how she can be so stupid
who knows what lies he's feeding her this time

my insides are sore :/
house season finale is on tonight!
stayed over at c's saturday night and my body is in pain now
i feel like i have bruises everywhere

hopefully tonight at rob's goes well
and i hope c was just joking about getting shitfaced wasted
got a ride home from eric today :)
dan was in the car too
next week is our last class together :/

these stupid fucking parrots outside my bedroom wont shut the fuck up
at least its not on a day i get to sleep in
barbecue at victorias today i guess
even though i wont feel very welcome

i spent all day in bed with c and i didnt mind it one bit. i showered at his house also :)
jose and i talked shit on all the bros and bitches last night it was fun.
house is on tomorrow night
its also randalls birthday
and tuesday is joes birthday
then friday is oceanside to celebrate it

went tanning on my balcony today :) then took a refreshing shower and when i got out c had texted me. its funny because the whole time i was in the shower i was thinking about texting him. he wants to drink with me later. i hope that means no roofies haha. last night was fun we went to the block and yelled at scene kids. a bunch of dumb fucks hang out at carls. it was so annoying.

its hard keeping track of when i write in here and when i write in my tumblr. i guess i should just pick one or the other but i cant! today is thursday which rhymes with pursday which you wouldnt get unless you were at tori's motel party five weeks ago. today i'm hanging out with mindy! :) and the market is today. and imma see c for like 10 minutes too maybe. no idea what this weekend has in store for me yet. maybe things will go back to normal. or maybe i'll hook up with one of two crushes. hahaha. yeah right. we were supposed to get a motel this weekend for joe's birthday but i guess its next friday now. but that will probably change too. havent hung out with victoria in like 100 days. she's busy with other things i guesssss even though we made plans to hang out monday and tuesday but she just was too busy idk. i just dont want her to turn into a fucking troy girl

monday funday

house is on tonight :)
my chocolate lover obama lookalike ups man dropped off my prom shoes today
they're so cute!
i saw c today
visited jamiejabronie also
and i might get to hang out with victoria later too
<3
excited for this weekend!

went out on my balcony and tanned. no idea what im doing today but i dont really mind. this weekend i didnt hang out the usual group i hang out with but i didnt mind one bit. i had fun with jamie justin tori and brian last night watching a nightmare on elm street. next weekend is joe and randall's birthday weekend and then i'll get to party. theres really no purpose typing this entry right now, i guess its just a reminder to myself that i'm okay in spite of everything thats going on around me.

victoria was supposed to take me to a party tonight that i got all dressed up for. but she ditched me to get a ride with jasmin. so im at home because jerrys car was full. where the fuck have my real friends gone? im so sick of feeling ditched. i even bought a new jacket today just for this party. oh well caleb might take me and if he does i plan on getting drunk and forgetting about all of the lame ass "friends" i have.

getting ready for tonight. connor crowe is dj-ing some party. i'm going to buffalo to get a new blazer just to look extra cute :)

im so frustrated!

just had a lunch/dinner/linner???? with my lovely grandparents at angelos and vincis. when we got out i saw some of my friends. including c. but only randall said hi. theres a stupid ride situation going on with prom right now and jamie and i basically got ditched out of a ride. and victoria doesnt even fucking care.

jamie got a prom dress :)
it looks so so so so so good on her
now we both gotta find shoesies
c has texted me late at night for the past two nights
well last night he texted me at 930 and i was pretty drunk and i dont remember much of what i said to him
the night before that he texted me at 1 right when i was about to pass out and we talked for ten minutes
he never used to text me on the weekends. idk what this means though

look its meeee :)

so my former boss for the flyers offered me my concessions job back and of course i said yes
now im just waiting for a confirmation reply :)

bonfire at tom's last night
got a little tipsy
then went over to c's at 1030ish
watched randall play call of booty
then watched most of angels and demons (that movie is gross)
and cuddled with c the rest of the night
then shitface had to get up at 8 to go to some college open house
he came back at like 2 all excited about this damn art college
i should be happy for him but a part of me wanted him to go to fjc
oh welll
i left there at like 3
and now im just waiting for victoria to be ready for me to come visit her
i might see c again later tonight, i hope.

c and i made plans to hang out tonight
but now he's lagging on the texting and its almost 8 :/
ughhhh

aksdjfaklsjkldfsaja c texted me tonight but i think he just wanted me to come over and stay the night but i cant cuz i have escuela tomorrow
oh welllllll he can deal with it
ill probably see him this weekend anyways
i got to see victoria for the past two days
it was nice :)
she cant talk though and it makes me sad to see her in so much pain from having her tonsils removed
have i mentioned how much im going to miss her when she moves away?

so i tried texting c about hanging out tomorrow
and it didnt work out
the little shit didnt reply :/

house was a whirlwind of emotion! ah it was sad and happy and sad again and i cried like a little baby.
busy day tomorrow. gonna hang with mindy at noon then math test at 1 then scheduling a counselor appt and hopefully a workshop so i get my school shit finalized. then going to the financial aid office and wondering where the eff my cal grant money is. then maybe visiting victoria after her surgery if she's not too doped up on meds haha.

school tomorrow. lame.
this weekend was aight. <--haha
i hope it doesnt rain tomorrow
got to sleep over at c's last night
he pretty much paid no attention to me until it was time to leave the party and then all of a sudden he was cute
so i decided to stay the night and i guess i got what i wanted from it
i think.

didn't get hired :(

i had a job interview at spoon deep yesterday. a lot of people applied. ugh :/ i hope i get the job. im supposed to find out today befor noon. im so nervous. if i get this job then i cant take summer school which means...idk...but i think it kinda messes up my school plan. and if i get this job then i probably wont have as much time to spend with c BUT hey maybe thats a good thing. victoria got into new york and thats my second best friend to move to new york. im going to miss her so much. but im not thinking that far ahead yet. i'll just enjoy the time i have left with her.

i just went driving and didnt kill anyone :)

these boys are seriously my two favorite people. beer pong at c's last night. who thought that would ever happen haha. didnt go to bed until 5 AM and got up before noon. i am freaking tired but i'll probably go back out later when c decides what's going on tonight.

this is how i feel right now. frustrated as hell. no real idea why either. c doesnt wanna go to the motel party tonight because he thinks it's a "bust" but he's gone to three other motel parties at the same place. jamie is with faggle kurt even though he's STD ridden and she is somehow believing his lies again. im STILL sick. went and tried on that gold prom dress i loved last night but i tried it on without a bra today and it didnt fit as snugly. ugh. i thought i was getting used to having a thing with c the same way i had a thing with covellHO but it's not turning out that way. i just want a fucking relationship or some sort of mutual agreement between the two of us. and i really really dont want that bitch going to prom with us. there i said it. she still hates me for some crazy reason and i didnt do shit to her. it's not like c cheated on her with me. it was the other way around. ugh whatever people just need to grow up. and im sick of salt. he pisses me off so much. everything that comes out of his mouth. he's so full of it. and i fucking hate how people think IM drama. i better fucking get laid this weekend or i'll have one more thing to bitch about.

pleassseee let tonight go well.
<3

AFI was motherfucking amazing :D jamie and i got so close to the front omg and i sang along to EVERY SINGLE WORD. davey looked hot as usual :) and that fucker said he got a kiss from anthony green before he came onstage!! lucky fuck. poor jamie got punched in the head though :/ i ended up losing my voice but it was so worth it. best AFI show i've been to. the other bands were pretty awesome too. As Blood Runs Black was crazy and five minutes into their first song a fight broke out. they also did the wall of death :) Molotov Solution and Impending Doom were sick as hell too. Chiodos new singer is alright, they opened with my favorite song so that was nice. Circa Survive was alright but Anthony Green is a little too spacey for my liking. "The sun and the moon are both up, it's a battle and in 8 hours it will all happen again" umm lay off the weed Anthony. We ran into Kevin Conner and Josh, they were so much fun to hang out with. We also met some DJ named Pessimist and his friend who was a complete asshole. ANDDDDDDDD Mitch Lucker from Suicide Silence was there and Jamie got a picture with him. Overall, Bamboozle was super super fun and I'm very glad I went.
it sucks im still sick though.
and i havent seen c in forever :/
buttt my daddys gonna take me to the courthouse today to practice driving :D

AFI today bitches!
i dont give a fuck if im still sick imma be so happy tonight :D
if you arent going to bamboozle youre missing out
<333

i feel like im not getting any better, just sicker :/

i'm so fucking sick
and i need to be better by saturday dammit

there is too much drama going on

overall, last night was fun.
way too tired to go into detail
got to c's house at 6 15 and was passed out at 630
woke up at 11 then 12 then 1 then 2 then 3
and now imma take a nap again
then work on bio homework
and sleep some more

and just like that

it seemed like everything became good again
c actually approached me last night and gave me a hug and thanked me for buying his ticket
lauren is going too now and i'm excited for that
kinda nervous for tonight though
eek

lauren talked to victoria and settled that. but for some reason aaron still hates me. and cody isn't talking to me.
:/

i passed my mothafuckin driving test!
:D

making progress

talked with lauren and cleared things up with her. thank god. i was scared i was going to lose her as a friend right when i started becoming close with her.
aaron still hates me but he's stubborn. i just dont know why he's blaming me for everything.
hopefully everything will go back to normal.
before saturday.

there is a bunch of shit going on :/
a lot of pointless drama and its all pointing in one persons direction
a certain someone is trying to make everyone hate me.
good luck

mall people they just dont know

went to the mall today with bre and jamie. then justin and paul came and we got red robin :)
i got a cute ass shirt and some new nail polish and a tank top to go under the super low cut shirt i ordered from modcloth.
gonna get my AFI tickets right now with daddy. so damn excited.

aaron did a really good job last night as a dj. the party was pretty fun but by the end of the night i was freezing. didn't talk to chody much. i think we said about twenty words to each other. oh well. he went to lauren's last night and i went home but i'm not worried about anything. even if something happened between him and one of the girls there, i'm not trippin. we toilet papered some bitches house last night it was so much fun haha. i miss victoria :/ don't know what my plans are for tonight but i heard theres a party in fullerton. maybe i'll hang out with chuck if he replies. who knows. my tummy hurts though. permit test on monday and getting my cavities filled on tuesday :( the only thing i'm looking forward to is next saturday. and possibly next friday if freaking eric goes to class haha.

i got a new phone. it's still taking some getting used to. it's the rumor2. i like it a lot. i probably should be getting ready for class right now since i gotta leave in an hour. maybe eric will give me a ride home again :) lauren is coming over after school and she's gonna sex me up and get me all hot for the party tonight. hopefully c's eyes will only be on me hahahaha. victoria has been telling me some things about lauren and him but i'm not trippin. i trip too much with him and i need to stop. i need to get my AFI tickets.

i don't wanna jinx anything, but i'm really happy with how close we are becoming. finally a new friend comes along.

went to c's house last night at 4 in the morning and slept. just slept. nothing more. we didn't even kiss. i'm not worried though. we got in a little fight last night about that whore chrissy who came up to him at the party and it pissed me off. but i spent the entire day in bed with him and she didn't so i guess i really have nothing to complain about.

went to oceanside and stayed at a hotel last night with jose rob joe lauren jacob randall and danny. jose and danny got trashed haha. it was a fun night but i am tired now and barely got any sleep since rob was hogging the bed. gonna take a shower and a quick nap then probably go back out tonight :)

"hook it up with your sister"

if someone tells me that one more time i think i'm going to shoot myself.
thanks for making me feel inferior.
i know she's gorgeous and all but every time someone asks me to hook her up with them i feel so....blah. idk. boring. ugly maybe.

i have a headache.
c didn't even say hi to me today :/
i bought him six fucking tacos yesterday from del taco and he can't even say hi to me. wow.
why do i even try?
pierre was downtown and i ended up hanging out with him and brian and paul and all them.
awkward much?
for a little while. then he started talking to me but i could have sworn he called me a bitch.
whatthefuckever.

i'm sorry

i don't know what's happened to me. i've turned into an utter and complete bitch. two years ago i was NOTHING like this. i don't know when or why i changed. i'm supposed to be the nice girl, the one everyone loves, but lately i find the most hurtful things coming out of my mouth. why is there so much hate inside me? i am so disgusted with some of the harsh things i have done lately. what the fuck happened to me? i've always considered myself one of the nicest out of all my friends and now....idk. i wish i knew how to change this and go back to the "normal" me but i don't think that's even possible. and i know if i dig deep enough i'll realize what caused me to change but i'm afraid of what i might find. in all honesty, it's probably because i secretly resent constantly giving and never receiving anything in return.

:/

my shoulder is so sore :/
but it was well worth the pain
i'm in love with my new tattoo
<3

go ahead and delete me from your life

posting a bulletin about how you're going to get some lovin that day and texting all your friends about how you wanna get laid isn't really the best thing to do if you never really wanted to do it in the first place
if you really got raped you would have gone to the fucking police you wouldn't have gone to big slice to hang out with everyone
i made a drunken mistake too but i didn't go and tell everyone it was rape
you really need to learn how to think before you act
of course everyone in fullerton is going to hate you right now
we all know how you are
it's not like this is the first time you've lied about something so how are we supposed to believe you
you put yourself in that situation
what did you expect to happen

maybe if you learn from this we can be friends again
who knows

everyone is so fucking stupid
but thats just cuz i'm pmsing
however i'm pretty mad at bre for causing joe to get hit
and i'm mad at jamie for taking my spray

on a happier note,
i stayed over at c's last night :)
he passed out the minute his head hit the pillow
but somehow we both woke up at 7 and listened to the pouring rain outside and cuddled
then passed out again until 1
jerry danny chase and cynthia came over then
and now i'm at home just got out of the shower and eating mac and cheese
gonna go get my rave ticket
then who knows what will happen afterwards

i'm feeling a lot healthier today :)
got a ride home from eric. that was nice. class with him is too short though.
hopefully the rain doesn't ruin my weekend.
probably getting my beyond wonderland ticket today.

had a field trip today at newport back bay
it was boring
all we did was look at birds and then it started raining on us
went to target today
got a cute bag, some tights, gum, new headphones and one other thing :)
then got lunch/early dinner at red robin
ordered two new rings from modcloth and a wallet
went to classic to get a quote on my tattoo but gabe wasn't there so i have to go back tomorrow
then got medicine at ralphs and an artichoke for dinner :D
ordered jeans from drop dead. i hope they fit.
pretty chill day
i got to see c for a little bit too
now imma do my math homework
<3

my money cameeeeee :)
so so so so happy now!!
praise jesus!
haha

on a different note, it's cold out. and it's taco tuesday.
and i got to see c today for 5 seconds.
lets hope the rest of the day stays good.

finally got to stay over at c's last night
i waited a whole month for that haha
and now we will hope that things stay good
at least for another three weeks
i'm going to hang out with steph tomorrow i'm so excited
i got a cute bathing suit yesterday too
i could type so much more but i'm tired
<3

volcanooooooo

went to rainforest cafe and got a volcano :) it was tasty
had a math test. i hope i passed that shit.
i had a terrible dream last night :/
gah i miss that kid every damn day i swear.

bio exam today
i didn't sleep for shit :/
hope it goes well
then i gotta drop off victoria's wallet
maybe i'll stay and say hi to c at break
bleh

oh lordy
i am never ever drinking jager again

it's a stupid holiday
but i fucking wish i had a valentine today

woo friday
i hope tonight is fun
we were supposed to have girls night but cgay stole lauren from us so idk what we're going to do now
hopefully theres a party tonight
its c's moms birthday today
i had the weirdest dream last night
it was about HOUSE haha
and i woke up crying
crazy shit man

i got my belly button pierced
trashy i know. oh well haha
it was on a whim and if i don't like it i'll just take it out
it hurt more than my lip piercing though :/
c got a tattoo like last week and i just found out today
whoo gotta love our communication skills

fuckytits

i'm officially sick :/
i blame this cold weather
and my lack of a good immune system due to the stress from school and shitface cody
and the fact that my "best friend" has pretty much dropped me

my laptop magically picked up haylee's itunes. i'm upstairs secretly listening to beyonce and i freaking love it. fuck this rain. got a lot of biology homework tonight. bad girls club is on also. anddddd taco tuesday :) i think i'm getting sick. i can't get sick before my four day weekend though! i think imma try and hang out with chuck too just as long as i don't get sick. blahhh.

the emmure show was so much fun! we got to see mitch lucker from suicide silence :) he was so sexy! and some kid got knocked the fuck out and had to be carried out of the venue. poor little guy. everyone that didn't go missed out. and emmure played more of their old songs than their new songs so some people were wrong when they said that they were only going to play their new shit. it was probably one of the best shows at chain i've been to. but now i think i'm getting sick :/ either that or my throat is just sore from screaming. i have a four day weekend coming up though so i better not get sick. and hopefully hopefully at least one of those days i'll get to spend with c but at this point my hope is pretty low. i'm so tired i woke up at 5 15 this morning and couldn't fall back asleep so i just waited an hour until i actually had to get up. i don't know why my body thinks 5 hours of sleep is enough. i'm so tired :/ i think i just have a shitty sleeping pattern from stress. ugh stupid boys.

i got out of the house last night. it was pretty fun we went to a party in la habra. still didn't get to stay over at c's house like i wanted to though. oh well theres always next weekend maybe. emmure tonight :) hopefully thats fun. then school tomorrow. that wont be fun.

fuck friday. it was supposed to be a good day but i had to walk to class in the rain then when i got to the library my fucking umbrella broke. then some weirdo sat next to me in class and was breathing all heavy and annoying and eric came late so he didn't even get to sit next to me and thats really the only reason i go to class because he makes me laugh. then the fucking teacher dragged class on for ten minutes longer than its supposed to be and i had to walk home in the rain without an umbrella and when i got home fucking kurt was at my house sitting in my damn living room. and i wanted to go see cody but i don't want to walk to angelos in the fucking rain and he probably will just go off with jerry like he always does anyways. he can't even text me anymore i just want to stay over at his house again but he'll probably be too busy playing beer pong like he always is. and victoria is with her new best friend tj and she'll probably get drunk with her tonight or something and i'll be stuck at home all alone. or maybe i'll go hang out with chuck and get hit on by his creepy friend kyle and freeze my tits off in todd's garage. either way though it probably won't be much fun.

math test today
i studied though :)
school is killing me
i really hope this weekend is fun
i need a fucking break
and i'm sick of this whole on/off shit
i need consistency

my schedule is going to be the death of me
constant homework
goodbye social life
ugh someone come shoot me

hung out with chuck and his friends last night at a party. i had fun. didn't get home until 3 am. it was so cold. haven't really talked to c all weekend but its not like he has to spend time with me every weekend. not really looking forward to another week of school :/

yep

this weekend probably won't be a good one :/

i'm so overwhelmed with school :(
my math book costs 170 dollars!!!
ugh
and i still need my communications book too.
it's only the second week and i'm already so stressed out
there's so much work constantly this semester
i don't know how i'll survive
hopefully i can get a break this weekend and just hangout with everyone

i stayed over at c's saturday night. i ran into him at a party and after i had left it he texted me saying he wanted me to stay over. that was fun :) HOUSE was on tonight and it was really good. i love that show. biology was alright today. i overslept this morning though so i was rushed when i woke up an hour late. i'm really content with all of my classes so far. had statistics homework tonight but that was easy. hopefully it stays easy haha. i bought my bio book today and i still have to get my statistics book and my interpersonal communication book titled "You Are Not the Center of the Universe" I have a good feeling that class is going to help me a lot! Bad Girls Club is on tomorrow and taco tuesday also so hopefully its a fun tuesday. except its probably going to rain. oh well just as long as its not when i'm walking to class.

audacity was amazing last night. black lips were pretty good as well. the show was very fun. i thought it would be awkward being the only girl in the car with connor kevin ryan and josh but they were all so nice to me and it was fun drinking with them haha. i got to see steph :) we only got to talk for a little but i'm really happy i got to see her and hopefully we can hang out again soon for a longer period of time. after the show we went and got kogi but i didn't want anything so i pretty much watched them stuff their faces haha. then after that we drove to frat row and went to matt's birthday party. it was freezing cold and we stayed there until 1:30 and i didn't really do anything there except talk to steph. i got to see kelly last night too that was really cool. i had more fun than i expected i would but at the same time i still would have rather spent the night with c.

going to the audacity show tonight! kevin will be giving me a ride and connor is selling me an extra ticket of his :) super super excited! i get to party with audacity after the show. yeah bitches be jealous haha. i probably will get to see steph too and i haven't seen her since....the summer i think? maybe even longer than that. the only thing i'm upset about is not being able to hang out with c tonight since this is the only night we can hang out this weekend. he's going to knotts tomorrow so i probably won't see him until sunday. but i'll show up after school today to get a few hours in haha.
class was super fun today and super easy. i found eric before class so i made sure to sit by him so i knew at least one person. unfortunately there was a crazy cat lady sitting in front of us who wouldnt shut up about her cats and she even pulled out pictures of them and showed them to me!! crazy people i swear. when we got out of class it was raining so eric offered to drive me home :) i'm really glad he's in my class. we haven't had a class together since elementary school haha. hopefully he doesn't transfer out.

it's freaking pouring outside and i have to walk to class in an hour and a half
i don't even know what to wear i'm running out of all of my warm clothes haha
i didn't talk to c at all yesterday :/ oh well he needs his space sometimes
the kitten is being fucking hyper and its pissing me off because he thinks my leg is a chew toy
statistics today. i hope my school isn't flooded. i did my homework for class last night it was lame
and we have a vocab quiz next week. who the hell has vocab quizzes in math??
i have a girl crush on my bio teacher haha she's freaking gorgeous and she has a british accent and has lived in africa and japan and london and scotland and i am really excited to have her as a teacher
if its not raining at three maybe i can walk over to angelos and say hi to everyone for a bit
that would be nice haha
gonna get ready now!

happy 20th birthday bridget

wherever you may be.
my first and most favorite best friend. i sincerely miss her so much and even though i haven't seen her in 6 years or talked to her in 5 years i think about her all the time. i hope she's doing okay. idk if she's still living in new york or anything. i don't even know if she's still alive. i can only hope for the best for her.
class was chill today. so many asians in my statistics class though! and we already have homework assigned :/
i'm not looking forward to waking up early tomorrow for biology
hopefully its not raining when i have to walk to school
it rained today and i got soaked!
but the thunder and lightning made it better :)
bad girls club is on tonight i hope they don't kick off flo :/

long ass three day weekend haha
stayed at c's house last night and watched inglorious basterds and casino royale
stayed up until 6 in the fucking morning
randall showed up around noon so i got like 6 hours of sleep
it was pouring earlier
went home around 5 30
now i'm working on c's econ essay thats due tomorrow haha
school tomorrow! don't know what time and what room but i'll look it up
kinda nervous kinda excited
woo!

rain!!!!!

it's raining :) its supposed to rain all week which sucks because i don't want to have to walk to school in that shit but whatever. i'm planning on going over to c's house later but he's laggingggggggggg
ah i hate this waiting haha
i just wanna cuddle and listen to the rain but i guess i can wait
i barely got any sleep last night
was out until two in the morning with victoria
so much fun
c was at a rave and got to meet rusko! i'm so jealous
that boy better text me soon or imma shoot him

last night was really fun. kickback at matt's pad. fun stuff. then lindsey showed up and had a talk with me hahahaha i'm so glad c stopped talking to her. then at like midnight c and i went to his house and i slept over and then got picked up at two today. cuteeeee stuff :)
suicide silence tonight hellfuckingyes
c will be at a rave
girly time with victoria tonight. maybe an all nighter but i'm hella tired

whooooooooooooo!

"i miss you damnit"
omg omg omg he hasn't said that to me since we were going out haha
it made me smile all big last night
i don't wanna say much because i don't wanna jinx anything
buttttt i'm happy with the way things are going
no idea whats going to happen tonight
maybe a sleepover??
i hope hope<3

"these arent leaving my face"

aww :) c likes his present. he likes them a lot actually. thank goodness. this situation is weird. i'm still adjusting to being happy again. i was so used to being mad at him haha. i learned a lot from that break we had. i overreact a lot so imma try my hardest this time to not let the little things get to me. i really have to work on my jealousy issues too :/ but i'll do it dammit. i don't wanna go through that shit again.
went to spaghetti factory last night with kerensa and karl and jamie. it was so good! but retarded me left my to go box on the table hahahaha. i wanted those leftovers too dammit. three day weekend coming up. suicide silence for freeeeeeee on saturday :) sleepover at c's too probably once this weekend. hopefully. then school starts on tuesday and i'm so so so excited!

HOUSE is on tonight :) my kitten scratched my pointer finger so it hurts to type now gah. hopefully today is good. i gotta help miss victoria with her paper later on today. one week until school starts! :D

tom's birthday was...interesting. since i'm running on one hour of sleep i'll make it brief:
c talked to me for the first time since like christmas
he doesn't even like that bitch, she just likes him
so i kinda freaked out for nothing :/
he apologized for being a douche though and he NEVER apologizes so that was pretty cool
and long story short we ended up falling asleep under harley's stairs at like 5 in the morning
:)

i totally came here with something to write but then i forgot about it. i'm super stressed. and i'm still sick :/ i sound like a man when i talk haha. so a guy friend of mine has been hinting that he wants to date me and take me out and i'm not ready to start dating again but i don't know how to nicely tell him that. i'm afraid if i do anything that might hurt him he'll stop talking to me like he did with bre. gah :/ i wish c would go to tom's party tomorrow but he "doesn't want drama". it really hurts me that he thinks i'll start drama. i'm only trying to make things with him friendly and not hostile but he doesn't see that. i'm not trying to get him back or anything. i'm doing my best to make him happy by staying away from him and letting him do what he wants. it's killing me though but i've always put his feelings before mine so its hard to stop now. if i had it my way though i would talk to him and tell him exactly how i feel. wishful thinking i guess.

i've been keeping myself busy so as not to think about him. i'm doing a pretty good job at it too. unfortunately i don't know how much longer i'll be able to occupy myself. i'm almost finished with the new stephen king book and i've been reading it nonstop for the past three days. i guess i'll have to find something else after that. i hate being sick. i feel like shit. i just wanna be able to get out of the house but i don't know when i'll be healthy enough.
i think he's found someone better.
but i'm doing my best not to think about that.

shit shit shit shit shit
everything is so lame
and i'm sick
and i hate it
i wish i could get away for a while
everyones being so dumb lately

last night was kind of fun. except the guy i was trying to get with the whole night ended up liking jamie instead. i feel so insignificant around her. i hate feeling like the ugly sister when she's around. life is really sucking right now and i hate it. i hate feeling depressed the minute i wake up. its all his fucking fault too.

i guess he brought that cunt to a party last night. its a good thing i wasn't there. he better not bring her around whenever i'm there or i'll cut a bitch.

i hate how everyone is telling me to get over it. well duh its what i'm trying to do but its not like i can get over it in two seconds. and i can't believe randall said i should have seen it coming. how was i supposed to see it coming?? it happened only a week after spending the whole weekend with him. if there were signs of a girl i obviously didn't see them. and if someone else saw it coming maybe they should have told me. this fucking sucks and i hate the shit out of this situation.