i just want to be happy again

red flags and long nights

my lips are bruised and swollen. half of that is covellos fault though hahaha. i'm so tired. i feel weak. didn't go to school today because i felt dizzy. haven't eaten much. fuck animal planet. damn meerkat manor. fucking shakespeare died. he limped all the way home just to die safely. thats so depressing, crying gives me headaches. i have like no energy and when i stand up i get lightheaded. pain pills don't help. my mouth is torn up inside and all i can eat are liquids or soft foods. chewing hurts too much. i hope everythings better by tomorrow since i got an ortho appointment. 

of all things in the world

animals are by far my favorite :) i don't have a favorite animal really though. they all make me happy. i wish i could explain it but just seeing like a dog on the street makes me so happy. i could not be anymore certain that i want to work with animals one day. i probably sound like a complete nerd but whatever. every animal is amazing just in its own way and i sincerely hope that everyone in this world feels as passionate towards something like i feel towards animals. it truly is an amazing feeling and i can't wait until i finally transfer to moorpark's zoo program. 

actuallyyyy the kudu:

just might be my favorite animal. or maybe a giraffe. or a lion.

vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

i should be mad at you but i'm more mad at myself

for letting it happen and for being stupid enough to think you thought differently of me

i didnt think you had the audacity to treat me like all the other sluts you fuck

akjfjkdsahfjkashjkasfjaasfjksdjkfasjkajkh

fuuuuuuck the weather. its too hot to think straight. blah.
i need something new in my life i just dont know what yet.
everythings just going so wrong.

mondays suck

especially today. i had to talk to campus security because i was sexually harassed by some fuckass today. ugh i felt so violated. i don't really feel like going into detail but it was such a shocking experience. i'm so mad at myself for trusting people too easily. if i wasn't so nice i would have been able to handle the situation better but because i have to be nice to everyone i put myself in a dangerous situation and am very lucky it didn't turn into anything more severe. lets see if i can sleep tonight.

i don't even know where to begin. the past four days have been a rollercoaster of emotions. thursday i felt really rushed into making a decision and i regretted saying yes to something when my entire heart wasn't fully in it. and it took four loooong days for me to finally get the courage to explain how i truly felt and i actually am proud of myself for being able to vent my feelings. but it fucking sucks at the same time because i'm hurting someone. i gotta do this for myself i guess. last night was interesting to say the least... but its only left me more confused. i got what i've been wanting for quite a while but its the uncertainty that kills me. like what now? there's a 99 percent chance that nothing is going to change from this but there's that one percent that could change EVERYTHING. i don't know how many people would actually be supportive though. i still cant believe last night happened. maybe it was just the alcohol that caused it though. nahhhh.